Dear Dee:

“The team is very small consisting of mainly girls and as most of them have known each other for years, naturally they’re close outside of the office… Whenever I say something or try to join in on the chit chat I feel totally invisible and like they’re almost looking the other way“- looks like they formed a clique: a group of individuals who feel comfortable with each other and exclude outsiders.

“I have this horrible feeling (and just that ‘vibe’ you know?) they just don’t like me and I don’t fit in“- it feels bad to be excluded from a group, and I wish that they didn’t exclude you (or any other co-worker).

“Because of this, I am extremely reserved at work and almost get social anxiety… this is all triggering my deeper stuff from childhood, of not feeling like I belong or am loved“- try to not take the clique mentality personally. Their clique was formed before you arrived to the workplace, that is,  before they knew anything about you, so it is not a reflection of who you are. You said it yourself: “co-workers who don’t truly know me“.

I am guessing that you would like to be a part of their clique and when a new co-worker joins the workplace, you would invite her into the group so that she does not suffer as you do, or do you have other ideas?

anita