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Reply To: Am I codependent? I feel awful

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#407892
Anonymous
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Dear Lindsey:

The conversation last night reads fine to me: good, honest sharing on your part, and his response brief but fine. You wrote about last night:” I felt things were a little off but possibly b/c of the anxiety of the situation“- anxiety always feels off, so when you feel off, ask yourself: am I anxious? If you are, you have your reason for feeling off.

He responded with ‘I do.’ and sent a joking emoji“- so the question he answered was (paraphrased, Lindsey asking Jason): do you understand that the song means that I like you, not that I love you?

I’m sitting here still confused as to the entire situation“- reads to me that Jason is not a  man with many words, at least not when it comes to talking about romantic emotions. Therefore  his “I do” and joking emoji was his quickest way to dodge the awkwardness it would have taken to give you an elaborate response.

So I sent him a message this morning… I wanted to make sure it was clear that the song was in reference to liking him- not more… I want him to be clear about the meaning of sending the song“-

-this is your anxiety driving your thinking and your thinking fueling your anxiety. Instead of obsessing about this, do  NPAR: Notice  that you are anxious and obsessing, Pause: stop the obsessing, Address the situation: what happened/ what is really happening which requires further response? (the answer is: nothing, really), and then Respond-or-not (not in this case), and Redirect your attention to something else.

It’s a difficult practice but it gets easier the more you practice.

anita