Hi Tee,

I have always felt like if i have a partner then i can do anything. Mening that having just one person in your corner that likes you and all the health benefits you get from hugging someone that loves you. It was like having a man sleeping next to me calmed my nervous system. We as humans are wired for human conection and I have been alone my entire life. No boyfriends (same cycle. Guy shows interest through long time i start believing it, takes a step forward then gets ghosted) never been good at keeping friendships. Once we don’t work or go to the same school we lise contact. So all my life i have worked towards being good emough. Cuz if I were then i would have people in my life.

The staff party was hard because one everybody gets wasted, they are not the selve and I get jeloux. Seeing them cling and flirt with the guy i like. They said some months ago that he was sending me good signals and that they would help me out with him because of my anxiety, but they never did. They kept seeing him as a group outside of work without including me and I think that’s why i hurts extra. I feel like they betrayed my trust, and not acting very much like friends.

They only have this flirting behaviour when they all get drunk. I don’t like drunk people, you never know what the will do.

He (the cute guy) also made me a bit uncomfortble. He did smile and say hi to me, then he mingled and talked with everybody, but then decided to walk up and stand right next to me for a long time just sipping his drink not talking just standing close to me(there was plenty of space got him to stand else where) that hurt me. It was awkward.