Dear Rhonda,

if you really want to make it work with your boyfriend, I think you’d need to first trust him enough. More specifically, you’d need to trust that he has good intentions and that he is not just using you: “I worry he’s faking everything with me to use me like he used a lot of other people.”

If there is a doubt in you that he is insincere, that he might have ulterior motives, I think you should establish first whether this is true or not. And if indeed he is lying to you and hiding something, then I think you’d need to find the strength to leave, because there is no point in building a life with someone on a lie.

Another problem is that it seems you won’t achieve much by talking to the old man, because he is possessive and doesn’t care about you or your feelings. He wants to stick around your boyfriend as long as he lets him. So it would need to be your boyfriend to set boundaries with his elderly friend – since the latter won’t back off on his own.

Unfortunately, it seems your boyfriend doesn’t see anything problematic in his elderly friend’s behavior, and even has feelings for him (a combination of love/respect for a father figure, maybe mixed with some erotic/romantic attraction). In fact, he stated that his elderly friend is family and “isn’t going anywhere”.

So it seems to me that your boyfriend isn’t willing to change anything in their relationship, neither is the old guy. Which doesn’t leave you with much choice, I am afraid. It’s almost like take it or leave it… since their positions are quite fixed.