Dear Addy:

I am fine, thank you; no special plans for this weekend. “If I just stop permitting my father criticize me. My inner child would be better emotionally?“- yes, definitely (over time, not immediately).

“Isn’t it important who I really listen or to put focus on? e.g. I know I don’t like the criticism of my father, so I simply don’t focus on it and my focus on my things because I know he isn’t right“- yes, it is important what you focus on. You say that you don’t focus on your father’s criticisms… but your father’s voice is still criticizing you outside his presence, robbing you of much needed energy: “There’s this critical negative voice.. Like you haven’t succeeded for this in the past, So you wouldn’t be successful in the future either so it just loses my energy” (Sept 22, 2022).

Your father’s current in-real-life criticism (aka outer critic) is maintaining that critical negative voice (aka inner critic), a critical, negative voice that your father is largely responsible for. If you block the outer critic, it will be the first step to weaken the inner critic.

“He wouldn’t stop sticking to his old thought and values. so why waste that energy?“- He may change his behavior if he understands that there are real-life significant and negative consequences to his behavior. No significant consequences for him= no change. Regarding your energy: your inner critic is causing you to lose your energy (see your own words in the quote, 2nd paragraph). Following the initial and unpleasant expenditure of energy asserting yourself with your father, and following the resulting weakening of the inner critic, you will regain much needed lost energy.

“He’s mostly like do whatever you think is right for you“- do you mean that your father mostly does not criticize you, but from time to time he does? Does he say “do whatever you think is right for you” in a sincere tone or in an insincere, dismissive tone… a slightly angry tone?

anita