October 2, 2022 at 8:49 am #407862
I feel like time is passing too fast and I’m not able to keep up the pace with it? not being productive enough or not achieved the things as of my age. Is this fear of missing out or something else? I just feel so overwhelmed with things sometimes that I have to achieve and maybe doubts when I’ll achieve them.October 2, 2022 at 9:09 am #407864AnonymousGuest
“Is this fear of missing out, or something else?”- I think it is fear, all kinds of fears: of missing out, of not being good-enough or qualified enough to succeed, of life perhaps being too complicated to handle.
Self-confidence: a feeling of trust in your abilities and judgment, believing in your inherent worth: that inherently, you are not inferior to anyone.
How is your self-confidence?
anitaOctober 2, 2022 at 10:35 am #407869RobertaParticipant
What are you trying to achieve and who are you trying to achieve it for? Who are you comparing yourself with?
What things brings you joy, make some time for those things and also we all have obligations that have to be met so that our basic needs are covered like food clothing and shelter, but having simple needs frees up time to enjoy life. If you take time to notice the micromoments of happiness rather than chasing constantly, a mythical big future happiness a sense of contentment an achievement will pervade your life whilst working towards life goals.
wishing you the best
RobertaOctober 2, 2022 at 10:37 am #407870
I hope you’re having great Sunday morning 🌞
To the answer, I actually had to look up how to know if you’re self-confident.
According to usf.edu
It means you accept and trust yourself and have a sense of control in your life. You know your strengths and weakness well and have a positive view of yourself. You set realistic expectations and goals, communicate assertively, and can handle criticism.
Let me break it to you now
It means you accept and trust yourself
I accept myself but I don’t I trust myself very highly because I feel what if things go this way instead of this? and also, I have hard time trusting other people as well
have a sense of control in your life
Not Always. I used to have very controlling behavior about everything but thanks to meditation and mindfulness practice I’m getting lot better
You know your strengths and weakness
I do and still exploring those
have a positive view of yourself
I do have positive view of myself
You set realistic expectations and goals
Yes I do. I’m very rational thinker and minimalistic as well so
communicate assertively, and can handle criticism.
Both Yes very well
To your definition
a feeling of trust in your abilities and judgment – I do have trust in my abilities but if I’m trying too hard for too long yet I don’t see the progress I get frustrated for the time that I wasted, which makes it worse and that cycle uuugh
I just wanna feel like I’m making a good progress tbh
believing in your inherent worth: that inherently, you are not inferior to anyone.
I think I do believe in my worth but still have to work
I don’t compare myself to others like before thoughOctober 2, 2022 at 10:56 am #407871
I’m trying to upskill myself. Both Tech skills and soft skills and I want to achieve it for myself obviously. I’m not comparing myself with anyone, but I’m intimated with some people how much talented and succeed they have in the same area that I’m trying for which does make me think how I’m going to get there I’m still stuck at this much low
I’m more mindful about my joy now though and I know when I’m putting my time in unnecessary things
notice the micro moments of happiness rather than chasing constantly, a mythical big future happiness a sense of contentment an achievement will pervade your life whilst working towards life goals
Hmm for this I do have to think about Also I do have to clarify I do really enjoy small moments. It’s easy for me to be happy
Eg. I look up at the sky and oh there’s the big blue sky and green trees..Yay I’m happy ☺️October 2, 2022 at 11:59 am #407873AnonymousGuest
It’s a sunny Sunday here, so that feels nice, thank you!
“I don’t I trust myself very highly because I feel what if things go this way instead of this? and also, I have hard time trusting other people as well“- trusting yourself is not about trusting future events and it is not about trusting other people. It is about trusting that you will adequately know (not perfectly and not without making mistakes) how to act and react to different unfortunate events and to the untrustworthy and/ or disappointing people in your life.
“thanks to meditation and mindfulness practice I’m getting lot better“- keep doing what works: keep meditating and practicing mindfulness.
“I do have positive view of myself…I’m very rational… communicate assertively..“- all good things!
“I just wanna feel like I’m making a good progress tbh“- understandable!
“‘believing in your inherent worth: that inherently, you are not inferior to anyone.’ I think I do believe in my worth but still have to work. I don’t compare myself to others like before though“- if you want to, you are welcome to elaborate on this, and if you wish, on the first paragraph of this post.
(I will soon be away from the computer for a few hours).
anitaOctober 2, 2022 at 11:02 pm #407885
How was your weekend?
Hmm I think you’re right I do have to work on that since everything isn’t in our hands. I do need to see the good progress that I am making so I can build up my confidence
About believing in your inherent worth:
So I think more or less has to do with my Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) like lot of people my parents didn’t knew my emotional needs and they did what they thought is right for me. They just wanted to protect me so…
So I’ve dealt with very Low self-esteem, self-compassion and self-confidence but I think it’s lot better than before Although I did built up kind of Insecure-avoidant attachment pattern which I’m still working on
Another thing is that in my teenage years I was very good in education area so they really had high hopes for me so I felt pressure, got really anxious, chosen wrong college course and eventually drop out from college because I knew I didn’t liked it and started my professional career earlier without even bachelor’s because I had good tech skills even at that time. And I’m living on my own since 16 years of age. And that time my parents were supportive of my decision, and they are still supportive.. It was a bad decision to start profession journey without bachelors’ I realized that so I started my bachelor’s as a distance student and full-time job…
But still they (Also me) want a good stability at this age which I’m not there yet. Even though I should be and I’m trying
Maybe that’s why I’m not feeling my worth?
Sorry if it’s too much info or maybe not really relevant… But I just felt like saying it soOctober 3, 2022 at 10:00 am #407895AnonymousGuest
My weekend was fine, thank you. I didn’t see your post before my last reply to you so I will respond to what you shared there as well as to your most recent post:
“I’m trying to upskill myself. Both Tech skills and soft skills“- from indeed. com/ career advice: “Unlike technical skills or ‘hard’ skills, soft skills are interpersonal and behavioral skills that help you work well with other people and develop your career… Soft skills include innate personality traits and abilities that can be learned. Here are key soft skills and how they can help during the job search:
“Communication… The ability to communicate involves knowing how you should speak to others in different situations or settings… Finding a way to tactfully and skillfully disagree with others on the job without creating conflict is an important skill that employers value…Related communication skills: Active listening, Confidence, Conflict resolution, Negotiation, Public speaking, Writing, Nonverbal communication, Empathy.
“Problem solving… Related problem solving skills: Creativity, Research, Risk management, Team work, Critical thinking, Analysis, Decision making, Resourcefulness, Troubleshooting”, and more.
* Maybe I can help you a bit by giving you my feedback on what appears to me as your use of soft skills in this thread: (1) “Hola Everyone!“, opening of your original post, (2) “Dear Anita: I hope you’re having great Sunday morning” opening of your 2nd post, (3) “Dear Anita, How was your weekend?“, opening of your 4th post, as well as other uses of soft skills I may be able to detect. Would you like that?
“I’m intimidated with some people how much talent and success they have in the same area“- imagine those other people being intimidated by people who have even more talent and success than they do. There is always someone who does something better: no one stays #1 for long. Remember this and have humility and compassion for yourself (and for others) for feeling intimidated by others’ talent and success.
“I do need to see the good progress that I am making so I can build up my confidence“- focus on the progress you make every day, and build on that progress the next day. This way you focus on your hard and soft skills as relative quantities: you are more skilled today than yesterday, less skilled than you would be next week; you are more skilled than some people, less skilled than others.
“About believing in your inherent worth I think more or less has to do with my Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN)… So I’ve dealt with very Low self-esteem, self-compassion and self-confidence but I think it’s lot better than before“- bingo! You compared your self-esteem, compassion and confidence with how it was before, focusing on your progress, excellent!
“(I) got really anxious, chosen wrong college course…I’m living on my own since 16 years of age… It was a bad decision to start profession journey without bachelors’ I realized that so I started my bachelor’s as a distance student and full-time job… But still they (Also me) want a good stability at this age which I’m not there yet. Even though I should be and I’m trying. Maybe that’s why I’m not feeling my worth?“-
– you are doing the best you can, Addy, considering that you were emotionally neglected growing up (and that you’ve been living on your own since the age of 16).
If your parents were adequately attentive to your emotional needs, you’d be more likely to make better decisions and financially provide for them earlier than later. Your current inability to provide for them is the consequence of your parents’ significant to severe emotional inattentiveness.
“like lot of people my parents didn’t knew my emotional needs and they did what they thought is right for me. They just wanted to protect me“-
– unfortunately, consequences don’t care about reasons and intents: a child gets hurt in certain ways because of parents’ behaviors regardless of the parents’ intent or ignorance vs. knowledge/ education. Think of it this way, if you will: when you drop a piece of glass to the floor, it breaks regardless of your intent (dropping the glass on purpose or by accident), and regardless of your ignorance vs knowledge/ education (knowing or not that this particular glass will break if dropped to the floor).
anitaOctober 3, 2022 at 10:36 am #407897
I’m glad your weekend was fine.
First of all, thanks a lot for detailed reply I appreciate it 🙂
Yes I’m actually working on soft skills by meeting with different type of Analysts and Managers and they did give me good feedback. All of them told me they like my mix of calming nature with leadership skills (Maybe that’s how INFJs like me? idk)
and yes of course your feedback is welcome. I’d appreciate that
Something to remember for me,
have humility and compassion for yourself (and for others) for feeling intimidated by others’ talent and success.
focus on the progress you make every day, and build on that progress the next day.
About the CEN and the self confidence
I do agree with you. Now it’s just time to heal and making it better
What are the best ways or practices for that in your opinion?October 3, 2022 at 11:25 am #407901PeterParticipant
Feels like Time is passing too fast
“Time is what prevents everything from happening at once.” – Einstein
“Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.” – Einstein
This is only aside and likely not helpful. Our experience of time colors our world but what is it.
We tend to experience time objectively – ego consciousness, linear – a something that prevents everything from happening at once.
Subjectively, the past, present and future can happen all at once. Experience filtered through our past, what we think we know, and our hopes/fear for the future. We measure and compare the present moment based on the past and hopes/fears of what might happen next.
To say then that Time is passing to fast begs the question, where are you? Time cannot be separated from space. Are you accurately measuring your objective experience of time or are you measuring time as feeling and or expectation.
Its good to have goals and to work towards them which may include a time line. But if your going to measure out a time line its best to be be clear about them. To take ownership of it or you will easily slide into the subjective experience of time, a feeling, of shoulds, if only , what if’s, that we usually don’t take the time to answer. A exercise that serves no purpose other then making us feel as if we are failing.October 3, 2022 at 12:04 pm #407904AnonymousGuest
You are very welcome. “Yes of course your feedback is welcome“- two feedbacks for now: (1) I addressed you as Dear Addy and you addressed me as Dear Anita, I think that it’s fine: a person is not likely to dislike being addressed the same way one chooses to address others. But if you felt uncomfortable with the word Dear, addressing me otherwise: Hi Anita, let’s say, that’s fine too because you need to feel comfortable with how you address people and with your choice of words otherwise,
(2) your openings are very outgoing and very optimistic. Some people will like it, others will not feel anything in particular about it, and yet those of us who are significantly less outgoing and optimistic than you appear to be- will not like it. “I hope you’re having great Sunday morning“- is too optimistic for me: I am not in the habit of experiencing great mornings, nor do I expect great mornings, or great days: good is… good enough for me. When replying to a person’s message/ communicating with a person, pay attention to their style and somewhat adjust your outgoingness and optimism to theirs.
“About the CEN and the self-confidence, I do agree with you. Now it’s just time to heal and making it better. What are the best ways or practices for that in your opinion?“- best practices to heal from damage done while growing up emotionally neglected will have to start with identifying the neglected emotions in the child that you were (the child that’s still a big part of your brain). The private context of psychotherapy or counseling is the best place to do this kind of work. If you want to begin this work here, in communication with me (a fellow member, not a psychotherapist or a health-care professional of any kind), you are welcome to do so.
anitaOctober 3, 2022 at 12:34 pm #407906
First of I’m impressed with how much depth you go for. You’re very insightful
But don’t worry I’m not uncomfortable with addressing Dear
(2) Very Important thing you pointed out that I didn’t knew before. I do accept sometimes I talk very energetic and optimistic way but you’re right it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. Point taken
When replying to a person’s message/ communicating with a person, pay attention to their style and somewhat adjust your outgoingness and optimism to theirs.
Well why not?
I think you’re very mature and insightful person and I can learn lot from you as well
So I’m ready for that if you don’t have problem with thatOctober 3, 2022 at 1:34 pm #407908AnonymousGuest
Addressing me the way you did before (dear) will be fine and dandy with me. Well, if you want to identify the neglected emotions in Addy-the-boy, you are welcome to type them away when you are in a calm state of mind, tired and sleepy perhaps, while listening to music- or not… type away without applying soft skills like critical thinking or conflict resolution… whatever comes to mind, let your fingers tell what it is.
anitaOctober 5, 2022 at 11:48 am #407995
Bom Dia Anita,
Sorry but calling dear all the time? Naah better to have the good variations. If that’s okay
Addy-the-boy emotions? and without critical thinking? Oh boy that’s hard I’m mostly very critical of myself and sometimes I also put that pressure to being better on my girlfriend as well eg. For eating, and sleeping healthy by being strict with her (LDR and time difference so you know)
Lately I did notice that patterned that I should just focus on my improvement and not tell others what to do.. They’re mature enough they know.. but I don’t know, I like to see my close ones achieving better things and most importantly being Healthy.
So I feel like sometimes I force them to be better which isn’t good.
Yet there’s also the thing, like I’m not consistent in some areas then who am I tell them?October 5, 2022 at 11:53 am #407996
Also Another thing,
Today I was talking to my friend, and I started to realize how much potential I have???
I have so many skills, Endless possibilities and there so much I can do! Then why I’m not able to maintain that energy of being enough? or idk deserving? I don’t have any idea how to explain