Dear Rhonda,

you’re welcome. I am sorry things are complicated with his 8-month daughter as well. What is with her mother? She isn’t fit to be a parent?

It’s not right from him or his parents to accuse you of having reservations about caring about his daughter, who has special needs:

I know I can’t do it all with a newborn, my son, and his 8 month old daughter. He makes me feel bad about that and so do his parents. I have a full time job, and on top of that his daughter is special needs.

They promise they’ll take care of her while B is working, but as you say, his mother is a traveling nurse and his father is quite mean… so they might not be able to deliver on that promise. And it’s quite a lot to take on someone else’s disabled child. It may sound cruel to say, but that’s the reality, at least in my opinion. Btw, with whom is his daughter living now?

B has changed, but I’m not sure if it’s temporary to get his daughter (because I’m a good appearance for the courts)

People don’t change so quickly. When the two of you met, which was not that long ago, I assume, he was still doing sexual favors for men. His daughter was either on the way, or she was already born when the two of you met. So becoming a father for the first time hasn’t really changed him. I am not so sure that it changed him the second time around either… He might be using you not only to get custody of his daughter, but also to have you as her primary care-taker.

The fact that he is already blaming you for having second thoughts about her care is not a good sign. He sees it as your duty, while it shouldn’t be your duty. If you marry him, this would tie you even further into the role of her daughter’s care-taker, and I am afraid this is what he is after… so be very very cautious. Don’t let yourself to be dragged into a very unfavorable arrangement, which will be very hard to move out from.

People do indeed change, but as I said, it doesn’t happen over night. And the fact that he is so protective of E and wants to keep him close although the old man is pining for him – tells me that he hasn’t really changed in any significant way. It seems to me more and more that he is trying to use you, Rhonda.

I’m just that person that believes everyone deserves a second chance and until I’ve given him a fair trial at one I can’t give up.

That’s noble of you, but I am afraid that the longer you stay with him and the more chance you give him, it might get worse. Because so far he got you pregnant rather quickly, and now he wants to marry you and have you care of his daughter… If you say yes, believing he deserves “another chance”, it might leave you in an even more difficult place, I am afraid.