Dear thosedays,

was your previous girlfriend, the one with whom you spent 4 years together, your type?

As anita said, our “type” is often influenced by our childhood. It can be a person who reminds us of one or our parents, or a person who is the opposite of one of our parents. The resemblance can be in physical looks or in their character and temperament.

I came to the realization that I can’t force myself to love a person no matter how perfect the person is.

It may be that the person really isn’t good for us, even though they are a good and honest person, and there is nothing wrong with them. But it can also be that you are looking for “infatuation”, for the strong feelings of excitement, longing, of wanting to merge with the other person… which may actually come from a childhood wound.

For example, we may long to be loved by someone who is emotionally unavailable, who has problems expressing love… and so we end up hurting needlessly. If we realize that this is our weakness, we can stop longing for unavailable people and start being attracted to available people, to those who can actually give us love.