Dear Eric:

Congratulations on your 7th date!

“On this 7th date I told her about my small family and how my family tree’s works (but I didn’t tell her about how my father isn’t in a good relationship with his siblings), and I also told her about my previous ex-crushes, but I haven’t told her about my insecurities and about my job“- good job, Eric! Like I said earlier, better (true for any person who is dating) that you share a bit at a time, not all at once. This way she gets the opportunity to absorb information before you give her more information than she can handle. It is similar to watering a plant: if you give it too much water all at once, it gets flooded.

“But there is one thing that disappoints me, like when I told her about that crush.. I told her that I didn’t like her anymore and won’t go back to her. But then she told me, ‘who knows? Maybe fate could brought you guys together‘“- when I read her response (the italicized) and before I read your interpretation of her response, I thought to myself that she was worried that you will get back together with your old crush and not want her (the new crush) anymore!

Then I read your interpretation: “Like how can she said that….  she believes she can go back to her previous ex-crushes in the future“- your interpretation is different from mine. I think that her intent was not to say that she may go back to an old crush of hers, but to express her anxiety about you going back to an old crush of yours!

“We talk about lots of things, like I even told her that she’s my first date, and how I’m so inexperienced in dating, and she laughed and told me it’s fine, she’s also never been in a relationship and she prefers to be with an inexperienced guy (just like you anita… said, if u were in her position, you’d prefer an inexperienced guy), because she said an experienced guy would’ve done a lot of ‘things’ with her”– I guess that I am better at understanding her intents and motivations because I used to be a girl her age.

“She then asked me, if there’s any criteria that my parents want… She told me that she can’t cook yet“- just like you are afraid that her parents will not approve of you… she is afraid that your parents will not approve of her.

“She also told me, that she showed a pic of us together to her mom, and her mom said I look white… And that girl said to her mom jokingly ‘yes mom, he’s whiter than me‘“- reads like she felt insecure about not being as white as you. Maybe she is anxious about your parents not approving of her for this reason (and for not knowing how to cook yet)

“Then I felt insecure and said to her: well tbh, I don’t want to be this white, and she said no it’s fine, if I could, I wanna be as white as you“- she felt insecure (about not being as white as you), then you felt insecure (about being whiter), and she tried to make you feel better by telling you what she truly feels.

* It is sad that many people feel inferior to others because of their skin color.  Skin color (or hair color and texture, and/ or facial and other bodily features) do not make people inferior or superior to others!

“She also told me that she plans to invite me to her family dinner whether we’re officially in a relationship or not. She plans to invite me on Chinese New Year eve, a day before Chinese new year (its next year on 2023)“- she likes you and she is serious about you!

“= I wouldnt want to be with a girl who’ll criticize and insult me. I’d prefer to hope for the best. And I hope everything will go well, and if there’s a conflict, we can solve it together. Because I don’t wanna chase other girls anymore (it’s tiring), if I’m already so compatible with this one“- it looks like a terrific compatibility to me!

You mentioned earlier that you read in surveys on the internet that a man should not get married to the first girl he dates and that it is better for a man to get married at 30. I believe that it is a bad idea to make important life decisions based on strict guidelines that you read  about in surveys, and instead: consider the surveys but make decisions that fit your individual personality and mind. If I was you, from what you shared so far, I would hope to marry this girl sometime in 2013, and be a good husband to her (don’t annoy her with obsessions and worries and such!)

“I hope she also won’t give up on the relationship so easily if there’s a problem or conflict, like I want both of us to keep working together and keep this relationship going happily“- reads good to me! I think that she likes you, that she is reasonable and kind,  and that she is motivated to be with you.

“= Yeah I won’t (argue with me), but I guess I have to still bear the pain because it’d be my first time meeting them, and if the dinner is in her house, then I’ll be barefoot, and I’ll have to talk confidently when my insecurity is exposed“- thank you for not arguing with me. About your height… I don’t want to scratch that itch.. (and don’t make me regret it!!!) , so here it goes:  5’5” is not that short. The way you talk about your height it sounds like you are 5’2”.

“I hope the first time meeting her parents won’t be in her house, if it’s in a restaurant then I’d be able to wear ‘tall shoes’ and be more confident in the first meeting“- it’s a good idea then, to meet first in a restaurant: excellent idea, Erc!

“Her elder sister and her boyfriend (they plan to get married soon) will also be present there. I hope I can connect with them well too. And with her younger brother who’s still in high school as well“- be nice and kind (and confident) to them all; most people connect with  nice and kind people.

“I also plan to have my body stand up straight, because I have a hunchback, so it’s hard for me to stand up straight“- certain stretches will help you stand up straighter, yoga stretches.

“What I meant is that I should just focus on chasing her ‘now’ rather than worry what could happen in the future between me and her, because I can’t predict the future“- excellent, I agree!

“= yes I think I’d prefer she said average, because if she said cute, I wouldn’t believe it either. And it’d overthink things“- I am sure that she will be very willing to accommodate you and use the word average instead of cute (or handsome, whatever positive word she would use to describe the way you look in her eyes)

“I’m only worried… “- you worry too much. I wish you stopped worrying so much!

“Also on the 7th date she also initiated jokingly that she’d like to spoon feed me and she did, I also spoon feed her that time (my first time experience)“- she likes you… a lot. I bet it felt good.

“She also told me that before our first date, she’s also confused on what she should wear and she asked her friend…. Just like how I’m worried on her first date with her that time, before the date I asked my friend on what I should wear, what should I talk about on that date. When she told me she’s confused on what she should wear on the first date, I laughed together with her“- this reads so good to me: the two of you being very compatible (but please do not expect perfect compatibility because there is no such thing)!

You are doing well, Eric. Again, if I may say so: I am proud of you!

anita