Dear Kaya:

“I’m bad… I wish he goes to Hxxx … Shame on me thinking about it“- you are not a bad person for thinking anything you happen to be thinking. Thoughts just happen to be there, we most often don’t choose them. No choice=no badness/ goodness= no shame/ no pride.

“People said ‘revenge’ do not make you happy but I do not agree with it.  I revenge the person before, my long time ago ex bf took my money and never return it then broke up on me.  So I called his company (he was in military), talked his boss.  His boss did not take it seriously so, I use my connection and talked to ex’s boss’s boss!  Yes, both of them got in trouble but I feel so good.  Am I bad?“- you are not bad for thinking revenge or for feeling revenge. As far as calling his boss’s boss, if the result of the call was that your ex learned his lesson and returned your money, or he learned his lesson and did not take another woman’s money, then your act was a good act.

If the result of your calls was that your ex was fired, wasn’t able to feed his children and they starved to death, then your act was bad. So, in regard to your response to injustice and valid anger: think about the bigger picture/ the results of your planned act: who will it hurt and how. Your act can be a good act if it causes an ex to treat women better; it can be a bad act, if it causes innocent people to suffer.

anita