Dear Eric:

“She told me… her highlight of this year is meeting me. Then my eyes started to get teary and immediately look away and wiped my tears. I can’t believe someone said that to me. It’s really unbelievable… Happiness like that also exist for a short guy like me…. There are some parts of life that is indeed beautiful“-

-her highlight this year, January—-> November 2022, has been meeting you! It is believable, I believe it. Please believe it yourself. And yes, life can be beautiful from time to time, and happiness like this is possible now and then. Don’t expect it all the time but look forward to it, because it is for you to experience… if you believe that it is (and it is!) possible for you.

I read your three recent posts very attentively and patiently so that I can offer you some helpful insights and suggestions, and yet, try to not repeat myself (saying the same thing over and over again). Please do not read my post quickly. Read it attentively and patiently, like I read yours.

Let’s look for a moment at the title you chose for this thread: “How can I get rid of this overthinking and insecurity?“– the first step in the way of accomplishing this objective is to take personal responsibility for your overthinking and insecurity. It means that you don’t blame your new girlfriend- or friends/ acquaintances or strangers- for your overthinking, insecurity, and bad moods.

For example, five days ago, Nov 16, you wrote: “She also asked… Will I leave her if she becomes fat later on? … Why is she being so pessimistic?… I feel disappointed… It ruins my happy mood … Why can’t we just discuss everything happily…on every date I keep trying to make her feel special, to make her not bored being with me, giving her little surprises, But then she’s still pessimistic““- you blamed her, and got angry with her, for ruining your happy mood. But it is not what she said that ruined your happy mood, it is what you thought about what she said that ruined your happy mood.

She did not ruin your happy mood; what happened in your brain ruined your happy mood.

I asked you if you felt empathy for her (for feeling insecure about becoming overweight), or only disappointed, and you answered about 15 hours ago: “tbh I only feel disappointed that she didn’t say what I want her to say. Because I’ve been trying my best to make her comfortable and also prevent us from future heartbreaks. I’m not ready for another heartbreak“.

You are so FOCUSED on your own worries that you don’t have the mental space to feel empathy for her. You didn’t think something empathetic like: oh, she is worried about her weight. I know how it feels because I worry about my height and scoliosis.. I know how it feels to be insecure, I am going to tell her that I understand and that I’ll be there for her no matter thin or overweight!

But you didn’t think something like the italicized above. Instead, you angrily thought: she is ruining my mood! And she is doing this to me after ALL I have done to make her feel special..!!

You asked: “Does relationship really causes this much pressure? Then I’m confused how people can enjoy relationships if there’s this much pressure?“- Who is causing this much pressure for you, Eric? Who is responsible for all that pressure?

I read about the beautiful way you confessed to her, giving her a book with your pictures together, and the flowers behind the seat. But I need you to attend to what I wrote above before I respond to the rest of your posts.

anita