Dear D:

Welcome to Tiny Buddha! To understand better, it helps me to retell a member’s story, with quotes, so this is what I’ll do here: you shared that you have “pretty intense and deep emotions“, been together with your partner and father of your children (“a man of incredible patience and love… easy going and has a stable base level“) for 11 years.

You went shopping in 2019, saw a man working there and “immediately felt a form of recognition… soul recognition“. Whenever you went shopping you “always felt excited just to see him“, but indifferent if you didn’t see him. One day in 2021- while you and your partner went through “a very difficult time and were contemplating breaking up“, and while practicing the Law of Positive Attraction so to save your relationship- “all high from positive affirmation and meditation“, you went shopping. For the first time, the man working there tried to approach you, and you quickly “freaked out and left” the store. A couple of days later, you dreamed about him and after waking up from the dream, you came across “a dead blind snake in a knot“, which looked like the infinity symbol.

More dreams followed  where this man was your twin who had “the same type of parent dynamics” as yours. You “became obsessed” with this man, a man you “don’t even know” and “never spoke to“. You tried to get hypnotized so to regress to past lives, but the person who tried and failed to hypnotized you told you that “it’s a thought form, and basically that this is all in my head ”

You wrote: “I felt insane, I felt love, I felt grief regret ashamed. and I felt like the most horrible partner and person… I feel lost and pain… a part of me feels crushed… My whole world feels to have crumbled. Where I also feel my partner deserves someone who has the same amount of love for him as he does for me“,  and asked: “I just want to know how to get back to myself and my life after this. any advice or similar experience would truly assist“-

– This is what I think this is most likely about (the boldfaced are your words): a woman with high moral values (fidelity, faithfulness) who also has pretty intense and deep emotions got bored with the same easy going, stable base level partner of 11 years, and for some time before 2019,  needed a way Out of the bland emotional experience (no positive excitement) of the marriage. This image of the man in the store provided that Out, but not without an emotional price of grief, shame and guilt.

Before I try to answer your question, I need to ask you: do you think that I may be understanding your story correctly?

anita