Reposted:

Dear Eric:

Not focusing on worries and negatives, and instead, focusing on the present time is a very good idea. The question is how to make it happen every day and throughout the day (and night).

“My head keeps telling me that in order to live a happy life, I need to use an equation, by listing all the worries in my head and find solutions in my head then proceed in doing life… like how I approached her sister’s close friend, I can’t change anything about it“-

– you can make a list of all your current worries (listing each worry in one short sentence). One of the worries you list would be “approaching her sister’s close friend“. Following each worry, write can change, or cannot change. Highlight the “can change” in yellow (representing: need to do something about it), and the “can’t change” in light blue (representing: nothing to do about it).  For each worry highlighted in yellow, list (1, 2, 3, etc.) what you need to do about it and when (keep your writing short and clear).

Next, every day at about the same time- maybe in the morning (you choose the time), update the list. Next, every time a worry pops into your mind, look at the list and see if the worry is already listed: if it is already listed and is highlighted in blue, close your eyes, take in a slow breath, imagine the blue sky, or blue ocean water and relax.

If it is highlighted in yellow, see what you listed in regard to what needs to be done and when, and ask yourself if there is something that you need to do in that moment. If there is- do it. If there isn’t- relax/ focus on something that needs to be done in the office, house, or garden.

“I start to think that I also need to have some self-worth instead of seeking quick relief (this is already become a habit of mine, so it’s hard to get rid of). Like what I mean by self-worth is that, If this girl decides to leave me… I should have the courage to accept it“- I like the way you think, Eric! I suggest that at the top of the paper where you list your worries, write in your favorite color: Self Worth and Courage.

At the bottom of the paper, write the Serenity Prayer: God (you can choose another word), grant me the serenity to Accept the things I Cannot Change; the Courage to change the things I Can Change, and the wisdom to know the difference.

anita