Dear Tricia

I am sorry that you are hurting.

I have been in a similar position to you, the difference is that in my prior relationships before I, had been the one who had been unfaithful (this was before I became buddhist).

I tell you this so that I am not trying to portray myself as some kind of saint, but as an ordinary person who has managed to put some of the buddha’s teachings into practice to lessen mine & others suffering.

So  with boyfriend R it was a bit of an on off relationship and after 18 months he called it quits I asked him if he had been unfaithful and he was a bit evasive with the answer.

We live in a small community and we were close to each others family, I asked myself if I truly cared about him would I want him to be with me and to be unhappy about it which in the long run would also cause me to suffer or would I prefer him to be happy?

So every day when ever I was walking I would repeat the phrase may I & R be happy to myself. A month or so later he told me about his new girlfriend C and that she was coming to live in our community with him.  So I changed my mantra to may I ,C & R be happy this way I held all three of us in my heart at the same time.  When C came to live we met and became close friends & hopefully I have created some good karma in the process.

Also I am on friendly terms with nearly all my ex’s so I know that there is no ill feelings on either side which makes the world a slightly better place than living with anger, resentment, fear or jealousy.

wishing you all the best with your healing .