Dear Anita

we are both adults who are trying to understand each other (that’s more than a lot of people have available to them , i totally agree with you , and i`m so happy to talk to you about our experiences, it certainly changed how i feel about the past experiences in positive way , not that i see them positive but as they are minus blaming myself for every thing , i hope our conversations also affect you positively .  obviously shame is still present but less intense.

After leaving her apartment and her brand of hospitality, he told me:  “your mother f***  your brain was he mad at you because of your mother or was telling you , your mother is crazy because how she treated him?

what i understand from what you shared is maybe you werent aware of your moms mistreatment that time and that was shocking for you that somebody realized that so quickly , she wasnt shy about showing her colors to him , and the situation must be embarrassing for you , obviously . im so sorry.

my mother inserted her hand into my brain and messing it up, stirring and disturbing my brain matter. Literally she did that in all kinds of ways, one was that whatever I expressed (however logical, however sensible, however honest, however TRUE) thats the worst kind of mind f******, thats brutal and some people may never trust themselves again , and that`s the purpose of this behavior , my parents especially my dad did this and another nasty things liking gaslighting , withholding information , divide and conquer and ect …

i` m curius about how you realized your mother is hurting you on purpose ??would you like to share it?

me personally , i realized my dad had a personality disorder , most likely narcissism , not long ago , maybe 7 or 8 years , it was when i was abroad and i had a phone call from him , actually i dont remember what was the problem , it was 2 or months after i left home and i didnt have any contact with him  because of all drama his wife caused me and he was a willing participant , i was care free and relaxed for a while , after our conversation i was broke and miserable , and i literally typed why some people want to hurt you  intentionally  in google and then i found out about narcissism , i studied a lot about that and that was very helpful , after returning back months later i was prepared , and my dad sensed it , he was upset because he couldnt play mind games to me like before , and that made him to do worse to hurt me , i wouldnt survive if i didnt know about their tactics , its true that knowledge is power .

farnaz