Anita, I hope you are fine today.

“She indeed celebrated and bragged when she ‘destroyed’ someone“- she felt powerful, and her felt-power intoxicated her!

That is scary. I can see it being true, sadly. Scary! I feel sorry for her. I still recall your words Anita, (may be paraphrased) “We all make assumptions .. Paranoid believes it’s true”. I wonder if it’s curable – from what I researched not really, because of….paranoid. That makes sense!

All excitements- positive and negative- are uncomfortable for me. All excitements trigger my tics!

Exactly. Parties and celebrations make me nervous. I prefer meetings where I have something specific to do, like work meetings: I need to say particular things, present, submit, be official, have my part to play. Gatherings where I can “just” be happy, loud, excited..make me uncomfortable. I used to go to parties though, I was just quiet.

– AMAZING! (I am not feeling excited by the way, when I type amazing in big print letters… wait, I feel a bit excited).

I will refer to this one again. I have been thinking about this, what are the chances.

Me, living through all my misery, and you, in a whole different part of the world, living through yours.

Can I say it makes me feel less lonely now. I wish circumstances were happier though.

I also remember that story about my birth was similar to yours (leg issues), as well as our mothers’ stories about it and aftermath.

I had this head moving tic, shaking it to the right and left, and when she was venting to me, I was doing this tic (maybe partly on purpose.. I don’t know) and hoping that seeing me tic, she will have mercy on me and stop venting, but she didn’t stop. … I still have tics. I was diagnosed for having Tourette Syndrome (as an adult).

I had this tick, where I used to shake my head (like in gesture of saying no, but much more quickly) then I had this one where I kind of stretched my neck (like when your turtleneck bothers you and you move your neck up a bit- also much more quickly). I also used it for mercy reasons, I even thought I was faking it at first, but no, turned out I wasn’t, and it didn’t go away. Now I struggle with blinking too much, moving my eyes but it might have been worsened by the fact that I needed glasses for years and did not have them.

I read those are changes in the brain and they cannot fully go away.

My mother was lucky. Her mother (grandma) is narcissistic too but my mother admires her, wanted to be like her and outgrown her. Grandma was abusing her husband verbally, my mother took a step further (beating). My mother was a victim too but grew up to be an abuser, very pleased of herself, living her life angry-excited. What I got is ticks and trauma for life. She does not have ticks.

Ps. Snow is coming here too. I look forward to it (of course I will regret those words in following months when it won’t stop falling and it will still be freezing) but it’s nice to wake up and see snow first time this season.