Dear anita,

Thank you so much for ur concern….

Tbh regarding treatment i prefer counseling rather than taking drugs… but still i dont think i’ll go and see a professional in this near time….

How is this convincing-your-mind working for you?

= tbh nowadays how u answered my thoughts are convincing, even when u avoid to answer my obsessions…. And i thank you for that…. Due to sometimes u avoid to answer my obsessions, my mind felt that it “cant be discussed with anyone” so it stopped thinking and gets tired by itself…..

I agree with you that i have obsessive thoughts, and sometimes it leads me to be mad at myself which could cause me to scream or hit the wall due to that anger….

And i also tend to relieve myself by listing all the worries and try to solve it like an exam…. To keep my brain calm

I also think this is caused by loneliness, im surrounded by a quiet surroundings, but what can i do? I’ve been living in this type of surroundings all my life…

When the person fears germs (obsession), they may need to wash their hands repeatedly (compulsion). When the person fears the door being unlocked (obsession), they may need to lock it 3 or more times (compulsion) to stop that fear…

= yes i agree, i tend to do this habit all the time… when im worried about something, i need to assure my fear by doing something repeatedly…. I think this is also due to i have trust issue… i have a very hard time trusting anyone, especially when they praise me in which i think i shouldnt be praised on…

Signs and symptoms of social anxiety disorder can include constant: * Fear of situations in which you may be judged negatively * Worry about embarrassing or humiliating yourself * Intense fear of interacting or talking with strangers *Fear that others will notice that you look anxious *Fear of physical symptoms that may cause you embarrassment, such as blushing, sweating, trembling or having a shaky voice *Avoidance of doing things or speaking to people out of fear of embarrassment *Avoidance of situations where you might be the center of attention *Anxiety in anticipation of a feared activity or event *Intense fear or anxiety during social situations *Analysis of your performance and identification of flaws in your interactions after a social situation *Expectation of the worst possible consequences from a negative experience during a social situation”.

= i also agree with this, especially the last one, its like a major habit of mine… i keep wanting to imagine the worst possible scenario because i wanna find ways to prevent it…. And my mind believes that im in my state right now is due to that…. And i shouldnt let go of this habit to keep surviving….

But i can say that i improved than last year regarding this anxiety, maybe because im more mature…

Tbh everytime i overthink, after a day it tends to get calmer, idk why… either because my head is getting tired or im already distracted with a new worries…

In relationships i think this obsessive thoughts, firstly because i lack of self worth.. and i regard that person as very precious… so i cant bear the thoughts of them leaving me…. That’s why i try to avoid mistakes to prevent them from leaving….
I want her to know that im really really grateful to met her, i dont wanna waste it, but sometimes she questions me in a friendly way, like why did i fall for her so fast… and she’s worried that sometimes boys tend to leave when they get bored already, and she doesnt want to feel a heartbreak….
I wont do that, i keep reassuring her that im really grateful to have met her, and i told her to give me time to adapt, as this is my first experience….

Next is that my head is exhausted because every single day i did my best for her… to make her feel happy around me…. But im exhausted because i keep pushing myself to have an idea to make her happy….

So does this mean i really need to see a professional, instead of telling my stories here? 😅

Nowadays i try a technique by listing my worries on a note, and also listing why should i be worried about it and how to avoid it…. But everyday the list keeps increasing… i cant seem to memorize it all the time…