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How can i get rid of this overthinking and insecurity?

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  • This topic has 177 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 2 weeks ago by Eric.
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  • #411033
    Eric
    Participant

    Dear anita,

     

    I wish you calm, a good mental state, and luck!

    = Thank you for your wishes, i wish i’ll be blessed with luck and have a better mental state….

     

    I agree, she really is a gem. Don’t take her on your rollercoaster rides then.. it may make her feel as dizzy as it made me feel

    = so you mean i shouldnt be worried of those scenarios? Like really i dont have to worry?

     

    Cause im pretty sure people around us will talk about our relationship… they will gossip about us…. Especially because this is my first time, and also because her sister and future husband are famous in our city… so people who underestimate me might get shock on how i date that girl….

    Yes i dont want her to feel my “overthinking” and all the stuffs i worried about in my head… i want her to feel happy around me….

    #411034
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Eric:

    “so you mean I shouldn’t be worried of those scenarios? Like really I don’t have to worry?”-
    yes, you shouldn’t worry, like REALLY, you don’t have to worry!

    anita

     

     

     

     

     

    #411036
    Eric
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    Yeah i guess you are right…. Because if i feel relieve of this scenario, there’ll be another scenario that worries me….

    The truth is i just want to protect this relationship from unwanted scenarios…. I want both of us to keep smiling at each other…

    But my past actions cant be undone…. How i wished i do that past actions differently, do eliminate the possibility of unwanted scenarios….

    #411052
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Eric:

    Like you said, if you get relief from this worrisome scenario, there will be another… and another… and another.. and etc., etc… and another. I read your “my past actions can’t be undone. How I wished I do that past actions differently” theme of obsessions (as well as other themes) over and over… and over again in your many threads (different accounts) over the years. It is tiring for me to read it again… and again.. and again… and again… and again.

    Are you noticing, Eric, how frustrating it is for me to read the same worries-obsessions over and over? When in the past I suggested professional help for your Obsessive Thinking, you rejected my suggestion saying that you were trying to convince your mind- those were the words you used, to convince my mind.

    How is this convincing-your-mind working for you?

    Here is from Calm Clinic. com/ How to Stop Obsessive Thoughts and Anxiety (the boldface feature is my addition): “Persistent and negative thoughts are one of the most common signs of an anxiety disorder… Obsessive thoughts are the hallmark of obsessive compulsive disorder, but there are types of ‘obsessive’ thoughts that are present in a variety of anxiety disorders that won’t necessarily cause a diagnosis of OCD…

    “Obsessive thoughts are required for someone to be diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder. These obsessive thoughts are often violent, sexual, or fearful in nature…  Some examples of obsessive thoughts include: *Fear of getting sick….* Worry over little things (did I lock the door, etc.)…  Compulsions are the action that the person completes in order to reduce this obsessive thought. When the person fears germs (obsession), they may need to wash their hands repeatedly (compulsion). When the person fears the door being unlocked (obsession), they may need to lock it 3 or more times (compulsion) to stop that fear…

    Obsessive Thoughts in Other Anxiety Disorders:  It’s also possible to develop obsessive thoughts associated with other anxiety disorders… and you’re unlikely to develop compulsions as a result.. Your psychologist will be the one to diagnose which of the following you have. Some examples of these disorders include: * Panic Disorder … Panic attacks are intense feelings of severe anxiety with shortness of breath, elevated heartbeat, sweating, and a fear that something is terribly wrong. *Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder – Those with PTSD often find themselves thinking obsessionally and excessively about the trauma they experienced or the belief that the trauma will occur again. * Phobias Those with very severe phobias may start to think about the object of that fear more and more with everything they do. For example, checking your clothes for spiders….* Social Phobia Those with social phobia worry excessively about embarrassing themselves in social situations. In some cases, it may be a thought of something that happened, while in others it may be worst-case-scenario thinking about the future. * Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) – GAD is a disorder that’s linked to numerous, general worries. For example, worrying that your son/daughter is in danger after they go off to college, along with worries about finances and relationships”.

    Mayo Clinic. org: “Signs and symptoms of social anxiety disorder can include constant: * Fear of situations in which you may be judged negatively * Worry about embarrassing or humiliating yourself * Intense fear of interacting or talking with strangers *Fear that others will notice that you look anxious *Fear of physical symptoms that may cause you embarrassment, such as blushing, sweating, trembling or having a shaky voice *Avoidance of doing things or speaking to people out of fear of embarrassment *Avoidance of situations where you might be the center of attention *Anxiety in anticipation of a feared activity or event *Intense fear or anxiety during social situations *Analysis of your performance and identification of flaws in your interactions after a social situation *Expectation of the worst possible consequences from a negative experience during a social situation”.

    Mayo Clinic/ Social Anxiety Disorder/ diagnosis-treatment: “Treatment depends on how much social anxiety disorder affects your ability to function in daily life. The most common treatment for social anxiety disorder includes psychotherapy (also called psychological counseling or talk therapy) or medications or both. Psychotherapy improves symptoms in most people with social anxiety disorderCognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is the most effective type of psychotherapy for anxiety, and it can be equally effective when conducted individually or in groups. In exposure-based CBT, you gradually work up to facing the situations you fear most… You may also participate in skills training or role-playing to practice your social skills and gain comfort and confidence relating to others. Practicing exposures to social situations is particularly helpful to challenge your worries…  selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) are often the first type of drug tried for persistent symptoms of social anxiety. Your health care provider may prescribe paroxetine (Paxil) or sertraline (Zoloft)…”.

    – What do you think, Eric?

    anita

    #411438
    Eric
    Participant

    Dear anita,

     

    Thank you so much for ur concern….

    Tbh regarding treatment i prefer counseling rather than taking drugs… but still i dont think i’ll go and see a professional in this near time….

     

     

    How is this convincing-your-mind working for you?

    = tbh nowadays how u answered my thoughts are convincing, even when u avoid to answer my obsessions…. And i thank you for that…. Due to sometimes u avoid to answer my obsessions, my mind felt that it “cant be discussed with anyone” so it stopped thinking and gets tired by itself…..

     

    I agree with you that i have obsessive thoughts, and sometimes it leads me to be mad at myself which could cause me to scream or hit the wall due to that anger….

    And i also tend to relieve myself by listing all the worries and try to solve it like an exam…. To keep my brain calm

    I also think this is caused by loneliness, im surrounded by a quiet surroundings, but what can i do? I’ve been living in this type of surroundings all my life…

     

    When the person fears germs (obsession), they may need to wash their hands repeatedly (compulsion). When the person fears the door being unlocked (obsession), they may need to lock it 3 or more times (compulsion) to stop that fear…

    = yes i agree, i tend to do this habit all the time… when im worried about something, i need to assure my fear by doing something repeatedly…. I think this is also due to i have trust issue… i have a very hard time trusting anyone, especially when they praise me in which i think i shouldnt be praised on…

     

    Signs and symptoms of social anxiety disorder can include constant: * Fear of situations in which you may be judged negatively * Worry about embarrassing or humiliating yourself * Intense fear of interacting or talking with strangers *Fear that others will notice that you look anxious *Fear of physical symptoms that may cause you embarrassment, such as blushing, sweating, trembling or having a shaky voice *Avoidance of doing things or speaking to people out of fear of embarrassment *Avoidance of situations where you might be the center of attention *Anxiety in anticipation of a feared activity or event *Intense fear or anxiety during social situations *Analysis of your performance and identification of flaws in your interactions after a social situation *Expectation of the worst possible consequences from a negative experience during a social situation”.

    = i also agree with this, especially the last one, its like a major habit of mine… i keep wanting to imagine the worst possible scenario because i wanna find ways to prevent it…. And my mind believes that im in my state right now is due to that…. And i shouldnt let go of this habit to keep surviving….

    But i can say that i improved than last year regarding this anxiety, maybe because im more mature…

     

     

     

     

     

    Tbh everytime i overthink, after a day it tends to get calmer, idk why… either because my head is getting tired or im already distracted with a new worries…

    In relationships i think this obsessive thoughts, firstly because i lack of self worth.. and i regard that person as very precious… so i cant bear the thoughts of them leaving me…. That’s why i try to avoid mistakes to prevent them from leaving….
    I want her to know that im really really grateful to met her, i dont wanna waste it, but sometimes she questions me in a friendly way, like why did i fall for her so fast… and she’s worried that sometimes boys tend to leave when they get bored already, and she doesnt want to feel a heartbreak….
    I wont do that, i keep reassuring her that im really grateful to have met her, and i told her to give me time to adapt, as this is my first experience….

     

     

    Next is that my head is exhausted because every single day i did my best for her… to make her feel happy around me…. But im exhausted because i keep pushing myself to have an idea to make her happy….

     

    So does this mean i really need to see a professional, instead of telling my stories here? 😅

    Nowadays i try a technique by listing my worries on a note, and also listing why should i be worried about it and how to avoid it…. But everyday the list keeps increasing… i cant seem to memorize it all the time…

     

    #411439
    Eric
    Participant

    The hard thing is that, i need to keep reassuring her as she’s afraid of heartbreaks, while me myself are also afraid of it, with all the overthinking in my head…. I try to stay calm in handling this situation…. I hope i can overcome this…. And keep being happy together with her….

    #411440
    Eric
    Participant

    Anita, i know that you suffered from OCD as well….

    I wanna recover with my obsession slowly… by understanding more about myself, im trying to adapt with myself…

    #411441
    Eric
    Participant

    How i wish this girl can understand my concerns and feelings as u do anita, as you’ve followed me throughout the years….. But idk if she knows about all of these worries… will she still love me?

    #411477
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Eric:

    You are welcome. “I don’t think I’ll go and see a professional in this near time“- I am sorry to read this. I wish you looked for, and found quality counseling, so that you suffer way less than you have suffered for so long!

    Even when u avoid answering my obsessions. And I thank you for that. Due to sometimes u avoid answering my obsessions, my mind felt that it ‘can’t be discussed with anyone’. so it stopped thinking and gets tired by itself“- you are welcome and I will continue then to avoid answering your obsessions.. because it works!

    I agree with you that I have obsessive thoughts, and sometimes it leads me to be mad at myself which could cause me to scream or hit the wall due to that anger“- this is what I mean by you suffering: suffering from obsessive thinking that leads you to get so frustrated!

    I’m surrounded by a quiet surroundings, but what can I do? I’ve been living in this type of surroundings all my life“- in the quietness of your home, the voices within your head, aka obsessions, are screaming at you… so much so, that sometimes you “scream or hit the wall” in anger.

    I have a very hard time trusting anyone, especially when they praise me“- you can trust me when I praise you!

    I can say that I improved from last year regarding this anxiety, maybe because I’m more mature“- I am praising you for improving and maturing!!

    Tbh every time I overthink, after a day it tends to get calmer, idk why, either because my head is getting tired or I’m already distracted with a new worries“- if you didn’t overthink, you’d be calmer every day.

    Sometimes she questions me in a friendly way, like why did I fall for her so fast, and she’s worried that sometimes boys tend to leave when they get bored already, and she doesn’t want to feel a heartbreak… she’s afraid of heartbreaks, while me myself are also afraid of it“- she is like you, she worries too. I hope that she doesn’t overthink as badly as you do.. but she worries.

    * Notice how she shares her worries with you in a friendly way: do the same when you share your worries with her.

    My head is exhausted because every single day I did my best for her, to make her feel happy around me. But I’m exhausted because I keep pushing myself to have an idea to make her happy. So does this mean I really need to see a professional, instead of telling my stories here?“- you can tell your stories here, but you should also see a quality professional (not just any professional). You are trying too hard and too much, and that’s not good for you, or for her.

    Anita, I know that you suffered from OCD as well. I wanna recover with my obsession slowly by understanding more about myself“- why don’t you read about OCD (and about social anxiety disorder) from online sources, maybe it will help you..?

    How I wish this girl can understand my concerns and feelings as u do anita, as you’ve followed me throughout the years. But idk if she knows about all of these worries. Will she still love me?“- I think that she already knows quite a bit about you and your worries…  and she loves you anyway, don’t you think?

    * Reading your words right above made me feel very good, thank you!

    anita

    #411811
    Eric
    Participant

    Dear anita,

     

     

    she is like you, she worries too. I hope that she doesn’t overthink as badly as you do.. but she worries.

    = yes she worried too sometimes…. Mostly she discussed about a topic in which her sister fights with her ex… She doesnt want both of us to fight like her sister and her ex…

     

    you can tell your stories here, but you should also see a quality professional (not just any professional). You are trying too hard and too much, and that’s not good for you, or for her.

    = I’m trying very hard to avoid any crack on our relationship… But then there are some things that’s unexpected or out of my control….

    Everytime finish calling her, i always feel that i shouldnt say some of those words… like i feel i should just keep quiet on some of those words i said, cause those words might probably cause a discussion which might create a probability of a crack in the relationship….

    Also like for example, if her sister suggested her to not continue with me.. and she accepts her advice…. This is out of my control right? But i’ll try my best to convince her to be with me…. Because i really regard her as a precious person and i want to make her happy….

    Because i feel like she always look up to her sister, and i feel like her sister can give her a decision, and she might gladly accepts…

    Do u think to avoid overthinking on unexpected situations, i should just think it this way “what’s meant to be will be”? Or is it a wrong way of thinking….

    why don’t you read about OCD (and about social anxiety disorder) from online sources, maybe it will help you..?

    = yes i do, sometimes i watch OCD videos on youtube… and also how people share their experience on OCD…

     

     

     

    I think that she already knows quite a bit about you and your worries…  and she loves you anyway, don’t you think?

    = Yes she does know a bit of my worries and still loves me… But i feel like my maturity is more mature than her, and she’s a person who doesnt think a lot too much on the future… well she does think but not a lot… she’s a person who tends to go with the flow… that’s why she seldoms overthink….

    I just hope this type of mindset of her wont create any future problems…

     

    There are also some boys who texted her, but she told me that she ended the conversation with them… because she only wants me…. This makes me think… should i tell our relationship to public? To avoid her being text by guys which could make me overthinking…. But im really happy when she said that, she ended the conversation with them, because all she wants is me… im so grateful…

    But im also tired to be talk about by public, because if i show my relationship with her to public…. It’ll causes lots of people to talk about us… like many of her friends might ask her “who is he”

    I even feel anxious whenever instagram has a new feature, cause it could create new ways for boys to text her… and i dont want that….

     

    I also have introduced her to my family, and the meeting went well… and surprisingly she said my family is funny… because at that time my dad interact some joke with my sister…. I never thought she’ll be happy with my family atmosphere… i love her more and more…. I dont want to lose someone this precious…. I feel very lucky meeting her….

    #411813
    Eric
    Participant

    Tbh being very cautious is a very hard thing to do… i always feel like i made a mistake everytime i interact with her… but i still want to stick with my ways to keep being cautious to protect our relationship….

    I even told her, to just keep giving me the opportunity to love her…. I want to show her how much i cherish her…..

    #411821
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Eric:

    There are some things that’s unexpected or out of my control….Do u think to avoid overthinking on unexpected situations, I should just think it this way what’s meant to be will be’?“- in regard to things that are unexpected and out of your control, it would be beneficial to think this way.

    if her sister suggested her to not continue with me, and she accepts her advice, This is out of my control right?“- yes, her sister’s words and choices as well as your girlfriend’s words and choices are out of your control.

    Every time I finish calling her, I always feel that I shouldn’t say some of those words, like I feel I should just keep quiet on some of those words I said, cause those words might probably cause a discussion which might create a probability of a crack in the relationship“- words can be powerful, but not as powerful as you think. In your mind, each word you say is or can be very powerful, but for the person listening to you, most of your words are not powerful- not in their minds: they forget much of what you say and remember only the special parts of what you said.

    There are also some boys who texted her, but she told me that she ended the conversation with them because she only wants me… she ended the conversation with them, because all she wants is me,  I’m so grateful“- I bet you will always remember this special part of what she said: that she only wants you. and that you forgot already some other things she said. Some words are powerful and memorable, others are not. No one’s brain can remember EVERYTHING someone says.

    “she’s a person who tends to go with the flow, that’s why she seldom overthinks. I just hope this type of mindset of her won’t create any future problems“- it seems like you are not aware of how much of a problem overthinking is, and that not overthinking is not a problem at all. Not thinking can create problems, not overthinking  cannot create problems in the future.

    Should I tell our relationship to public? To avoid her being texted by guys which could make me overthinking“? – making your relationship public will cause you to overthink about other potential dangers to the relationship. She told you earlier that she is not ready to make the relationship public, so if I was you, I would wait until she brings it up and is ready to make it happen.

    If I show my relationship with her to public,  It’ll causes lots of people to talk about us, like many of her friends might ask her ‘who is he’“- like I said right above, if the relationship with her is public, you will overthink then just as you overthink now. You overthink not because the relationship is public or not, or because boys texted her or any such thing. You overthink because you suffer from ocd, which is a disorder in your brain.

    You cannot get rid of overthinking by .. overthinking. There are beneficial ways to manage and even heal from ocd, ways that doctors and psychotherapists recommend. No professional though will recommend that you heal from obsessive thinking by .. obsessively thinking.

    I also have introduced her to my family, and the meeting went well, and surprisingly she said my family is funny… I never thought she’ll be happy with my family atmosphere“- many of your worries, your overthinking about worst case scenarios do not come true, try to remember this when you overthink worst case scenarios.

    Tbh being very cautious is a very hard thing to do, I always feel like I made a mistake every time I interact with her, but I still want to stick with my ways to keep being cautious to protect our relationship“- to be reasonably cautious is beneficial, to be unreasonably and obsessively cautious is detrimental.

    I love her more and more. I don’t want to lose someone this precious. I feel very lucky meeting her… I even told her, to just keep giving me the opportunity to love her, I want to show her how much I cherish her“- Tbh (a term you use), she is lucky to have you… as long as you don’t let your overthinking harm her and the relationship with her. Again, being cautious in moderation is beneficial, being cautious to the extremes/ being obsessively cautious is… detrimental.

    I am so  happy that you are experiencing being loved, this is wonderful… try to take it all in and find comfort- and joy- in it.

    anita

    #411861
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Eric:

    I want to add to my point about thinking being beneficial vs overthinking being detrimental (the word “overthinking” is in the title of your thread, so it’s an important topic).

    I read this morning an Aug 2021 article in a website called “Introvert, Dear”, it reads:

    “The difference between thinking deeply and overthinking: Thinking deeply helps you move the needle forward in your decision-making. Overthinking, however, is about being stuck… The key difference between overthinking and thinking deeply is the way it makes you feel… When you are overthinking, you likely feel anxious. You may feel scared, shameful and scattered. It feels uncomfortable in your body, as if you’re a bit frantic and unable to breathe comfortably. On the other hand, thinking deeply is comfortable. You may feel calm, curious, and possibly even excited (depending on what you are thinking about).

    Here’s an example… Let’s say you are planning a party… If you’re thinking deeply about the party, you may be considering the food choices that will work best for your guests… considering all your options in a logical and grounded way, you may even feel excited…

    “Now, let’s say you are planning the same party, but you are overthinking. You keep worrying if the people you’ve invited will all get along with each other, if they’ll have fun, or if they’ll show up at all. You find yourself thinking about the worst possible outcome for this party, envisioning people being disappointed, or wanting to leave right away… In this scenario, you’re obsessing over what could possibly happen… you’re having trouble deciding what food to make for the party because you feel so frazzled and anxious. You keep ruminating on why it won’t be a good party, so you don’t have space in your mind to think about anything else…

    “.. thinking deeply is more about quietly considering your options. It’s productive and can help you move the needle forward in your decision making. Overthinking, however, is about being stuck on a certain thought and continuing to obsess over it. It’s not productive, it prevents you from moving forward, and it usually makes you feel worse…

    “Why do we overthink? … two primary reasons: * We’re stuck in fear, * We have a lack of trust in ourselves… When we are overthinking every tiny detail, we’re approaching the situation with fear. We’re trying to think about every possible outcome so that we can cover our bases in case the worst scenario happens. We’re just trying to protect ourselves, right? Right. But there are a couple of problems with this. First… we’re stuck in an anxious loop. We aren’t leaving space in our minds for creative solutions, or hope, or faith… Secondly, we can’t possibly think of every possible scenario. Sure, it’s great to have a game plan in case something goes wrong, but there’s no need for 489 different possible solutions. Instead, come up with 2-3 solutions to ease your mind, and then move on.

    “A lack of self-trust is another key reason we get stuck in an overthinking loop… We don’t believe we are capable of making a solid decision. We’re constantly overthinking, asking for advice, and mulling over even the smallest decisions because we’re afraid we’ll make the wrong choices…

    “How to overthink less and think deeply more?… * Meditate… Here’s a great meditation for overthinking (link provided) * Tell yourself a new story. When we’re overthinking, we’re usually just repeating a fearful story in our minds over and over again. Why not use the same brain power to imagine an outcome that you’d actually like to see happen? * Build your self-trust. One of the most simple ways to start building your self-trust is by keeping the promises you make to yourself. You have to show yourself that you are trustworthy, right? Start with something small, like committing to drinking 32 oz of water every day, and then make sure you actually do it. When you follow through on what you say you’re going to do, your self-trust grows, Try it!” (End of quotes from introvert dear. com).

    anita

     

    #411884
    Eric
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    Thank you for replying me in two threads

    I’m still reading your second thread attentively…

     

     

    in regard to things that are unexpected and out of your control, it would be beneficial to think this way.

    yes, her sister’s words and choices as well as your girlfriend’s words and choices are out of your control.

    = So next week im going to join her family’s dinner again, this time with her sister and her boyfriend (future husband)…

    Her sister will be back in our city this sunday…

    So last week me and that girl went on a self photoshoot and we took lots of pictures together.. there are pictures of that girl hugging me from behind while im sitting, there are also pictures of me hugging her and she sits, also there are pics of both of us staring at each other while touching each other’s waist… Then her mother saw that pic and send that pic to her sister….  Her sister then asked that girl “is it official yet?” Then that girl told her we are not official yet…

    Her sister told her that she’s quite surprised that both of us have hugged each other in that pic…

    That girl told me that in next week’s dinner, her sister might asked me lots of question as she’s talkative….
    Her sister was the one who suggested that their parents need to meet me, as i’ve been going out lots of times with that girl, and their parents need to know what type of guy am i….

    I suddenly think whether im going too fast on the relationship, when we just got to know each other for 4 months…. As for the self photoshoot, we did that photoshoot after that girl met my parents… so basically i’ve meet her parents, and she also have meet my parents….

    I feel like her sister is worried that her sister might be dating a “bad” type of guy… but i wanna assure that im not a bad type of guy and i wanna cherish her sister…. But because im inexperienced, i need time to adapt…. I hope she wont be very judgmental… especially on my physical appearance….

    I’m confused on how i should react when her sister asked questions to me… if i act confidently she might think i’m “bad” and experienced, but if i act shy she might think i’m not suitable for her sister…. And also she’s a year younger than me, it’ll be weird if im afraid of her….

    That girl also told me her sister is really scary when she gets mad, like she once get angry at her ex in the car that the people inside the house can hear her screaming….

    Thinking of her sister is making me exhausted, and my brain tells me that i should just go with the flow, but i also need to have a plan so that i can have a good first impression on that dinner and also on answering her sister’s questions….

    I also hope this time i can pay the bills without getting spotted… but idk how to react if her parents told me as i shouldnt be the one paying as they are the one inviting…..

     

    it seems like you are not aware of how much of a problem overthinking is, and that not overthinking is not a problem at all. Not thinking can create problems, not overthinking  cannot create problems in the future

    = But i feel this girl mostly doesnt think a lot, like she never assists me in the communication while im having dinner with her parents that time, whereas when she’s having lunch with my  parents, i helped her initiated a conversation and assist her too…. Like she cant even notice my position…. Also she never suggested which place to eat, she just follows me…

    I hope she can assist me when meeting her sister later on, because i dont know her sister…. And i might need her to assist me to give a good impression….

     

     

    making your relationship public will cause you to overthink about other potential dangers to the relationship. She told you earlier that she is not ready to make the relationship public, so if I was you, I would wait until she brings it up and is ready to make it happen.

    = yes i feel like i’ll overthink if the relationship is being exposed in public…. But her sister has sent that pic of me and her in the self photo studio to her boyfriend and friends… so sooner or later people might know….

    That girl told me she plans to show our relationship to public on my birthday next year, but she said if im not ready then she wont do it…

     

    many of your worries, your overthinking about worst case scenarios do not come true, try to remember this when you overthink worst case scenarios.

    = yes i’ll try to remember this when i imagine worst case scenarios…

     

    #411902
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Eric:

    You are welcome!

    So last week me and that girl went on a self-photoshoot and we took lots of pictures together, there are pictures of … both of us staring at each other while touching each other’s waist“- congratulations for having these photos taken, a printed memory of … love, lovely!

    I hope she won’t be very judgmental, especially on my physical appearance“- nothing you can do about that, but notice that her sister (the girl you are dating) likes your physical appearance, and that is wonderful, isn’t it?

    I’m confused on how I should react when her sister asked questions to me,  if I act confidently she might think I’m ‘bad’ and experienced, but if I act shy she might think I’m not suitable for her sister“- try to act a bit more confident than you feel, but don’t try to act too confident. You have to act close to how you truly feel, because otherwise, the gap between how you truly feel and how you try to appear will be too evident.

    And also, she’s a year younger than me, it’ll be weird if I’m afraid of her“- prepare yourself, best you can, to look at her sister in the eye and in a friendly way, and with your head held high.

    That girl also told me her sister is really scary when she gets mad, like she once get angry at her ex in the car that the people inside the house can hear her screaming“- I imagine that her sister was embarrassed when she realized that people inside the house heard her screaming. She probably doesn’t want to earn the reputation of being a screaming mad woman.. so she is likely to try to control her temper.

    Thinking of her sister is making me exhausted“- when exhausted, relax. Maybe looking at the recent photos with your girlfriend will help you relax.

    “I need to have a plan so that I can have a good first impression on that dinner and also on answering her sister’s questions“- I can put together a list of questions (or you can do it on your own) so that you can prepare your answers ahead of time.

    I feel this girl mostly doesn’t think a lot, like she never assists me in the communication while I’m having dinner with her parents…. Also she never suggested which place to eat, she just follows me“- you told me earlier that you are a follower. Seems like she is a follower too. You know how difficult it is to change in this regard, so please don’t get angry at her for being a follower and don’t demand that she changes.

    I feel like I’ll overthink if the relationship is being exposed in public. But her sister has sent that pic of me and her in the self-photo studio to her boyfriend and friends“- seems to me, that her sister approves of your physical looks and of your relationship with her sister; otherwise she wouldn’t send the photos to her friends, don’t you think?

    That girl told me she plans to show our relationship to public on my birthday next year, but she said if I’m not ready then she won’t do it“- and it very much seems to me that she is serious about you and that indeed, she is a gem!

    anita

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