Hi anita,

It’s almost the next January. A year.

Today I finished reading The Stranger (by Albert Camus). It will be midnight in about half an hour, and something, on this night, took me back to this thread. I feel alone.

To catch up on some things: Firstly, I’m truly sorry for the loss of Hunter. I hope your neighbors and you are coping well. I can understand that if someone so close and dear is removed from your daily life, it feels like a terrible loss. It sucks. Best wishes to you and all your loved ones. Sending loads of hugs!

Second: I did manage to find two therapists over the course of summer holidays this year. The first one kept ghosting me before sessions so it couldn’t work out at all. The next one, whom I had around 5 or 6 sessions with, also didn’t work out. I was feeling  constantly judged and she was not the best listener (for me). It was hard to open up or be comfortable with her. Right now I’m not actively looking for a therapist but might do during holidays.

As I mentioned I happened to come back to this thread tonight (much shamefully and selfishly, must I say?) for the reason I created this thread. I was spiraling into this “chronic isolation” of mine. It’s harder to shake off than other days. I have people on my phone who want to talk to me everyday and tell me stories to keep me distracted. I also have assignments from university that can keep me busy for long. I can go to movies or anywhere. But it all just doesn’t work out. And often I find myself lonesome and desolated. Maybe all those people who want to talk to me don’t understand me and I can’t explain them about myself. Maybe it’s too much. So I journal or read or just sit paralyzed in fear and anxiousness, some days. Like today.

Well thank goodness I have a thread on a website out of billion others where I can write and feel understood. There’s also a cup of finished tea on my table, which my roommate made for me as I was craving my traditional tea today.

How’re you anita? How was your day? or how has it been going so far?

-java