January 10, 2022 at 11:43 am #391056JavairiaParticipant
I remember being taken to a therapist by my mom’s friend who is a nurse. At that time I was sick and admitted in the hospital for some back problems, and when she heard about what has been going around in our house between mom and dad, in a conversation between my mom and her, she decided to take to the children’s therapist as well. At that time I didn’t say anything. Not a single thing came out of my mouth. Then the therapist gave me a paper with her phone number, and in a few days I was discharged and we returned to our city. It was a just a one-time therapy session because I had no guts to dial up her number, nor we went back to the hospital or that city for a while. This was me at about age of 9 or 10.
When I was 14 in the summer of 2017, I felt the need to see a therapist. My best friend moved back to the country her father had his business in, and my father left for a vacation overseas without providing any financial support or a notice. It was disstressful. I couldn’t see a therapist, I’d have to stay in another city for that.
When I was 16 in 2019, I felt the need to see a therapist. This time I knew what the 9 or 10 year old me felt, what were all the words she had to say. Everything was hitting me all at once, all of a sudden. It came too late, I know. My mother’s attempt of suicide, my sexual assault, my parents’ separation… everything suddenly resurfaced to me on the night my eldest brother attempted suicide. I was suddenly felt with unbearable sorrow; for my younger self, for my present self, and for my future self. That sorrow hasn’t left me ever since. Though I have an idea I was an anxious child as long as I can remember. I wasn’t a tired or unhappy kid at all. But on that day all my energy left my body.
I tried asking for help again: I posted on this forum and a really kind person (Anita) helped me talk it out, and also suggested I see a therapist. My career counselor and I tried searching for one, but none was available in our city, I’d have to move to another city, which was apparently not an option.
A month ago (December 1st) I lost my pet of 6 years, and I felt the need to talk to someone again. I managed to get a few appointments but each of them ended up with never getting to talk to them. I’m in a country where I need a translator with me to communicate with doctors. I have asked every single contact that I know can translate for me and none of them are available to accompany. And I don’t have enough allowance to hire a translator for a therapy session that I don’t know will even work out or not. And I might have to spend a lot for more sessions to come.
I truly feel dejected. It comes out really cynical, but that’s all I can see it as. I’ve heard that when you reach out for help, there’re people who will help you. I’ve heard that you’re never alone. But there’s not a single contact on my phone to call when I feel like I’m the only person in this world. There’s not a single friend whose house I can stop by and have a breather with, or whom I can atleast call when I feel like crying. My contact list is so small and I’m even an inconvinience to the hospitals.January 10, 2022 at 1:12 pm #391066anitaParticipant
I am sorry that you lost your pet of 6 years this past December. We lost our pet too this December: Hunter the beagle. He was the neighbors’ dog, but he visited us multiple times per day, for years! We’ve been feeding him and giving him treats every day, and I did not yet put away his bowl or his food. I miss him so much and it is difficult for me to understand that I can never again see his huge brown eyes and the white tip of his tail, never again hear him bark and grunt when he eats his favorite foods… or pet him.
I am sorry that you do not have the psychotherapy and otherwise, the social support that you need in real-life. You are welcome to return here to your thread at any time, or to go back to an old one or start a new thread- so to express your thoughts, your feelings, your life experiences… I want to read more from you!
anitaJanuary 17, 2022 at 7:57 pm #391551anitaParticipant
How are you, Javairia?