dear Anita

the situation took for worse and i started to take an antibiotic , im better now . i dont know whats with me but i rarely get infected by viruses as cold but always with bacteria , i didnt catch covid during the pandemic either although i was in middle of it . but i`m not mad about it , lol .

today is weekend here and i stayed at home just drinking tea , milk and something like soup but with more stuff , and so far i feel better , but i`m going to restroom every 5 minutes because of too much liquids , lol

 I feel sad for the two of us as well. And I add: we are worthy of love, for crying out loud :that a%% holes , screw them , of course , we are worthy of love , more than they do

it always makes me feel good to read that my thinking/ analysis is right (when it is) because it is the opposite of my mother’s distressing message to me, which was that my thinking was WRONG, WRONG and WRONG  i know what do you mean , for most  people is very hard to see that others see through them , obviously for the one who wants to deceive you , others not so much , they dont have anything to hide anyway .  but its crucial for a narcissistic parent to devalue your point of vue if you trust your feeling , you wouldnt trust them , do you ?so the main point is make you feel crazy , thats a very dirty plan but essential for them to have a control on you , i personally dont dream to go back to those days when i believed them (specially my dad and his wife ) they were invading my privacy especially the wife and my dad was making excuses for her that was even worse her actions and when i said somethings he was like you are delusional what people would think about you if you say that to them , this is funny . no, they wouldn’t, and indeed no one was there to protect their (living-and-breathing) PROPERTY! (I am angry this morning, so it seems!) you have the right to be angry sometimes , but hopefully not living with it , that was so unfair . during past weeks i heard from some  people around me that my step mom was talking bad about me , because i didnt reply her calls and agree to meet her in my new place , let alone having her invited to live with me for a while , i got very angry , not because her bad words but for her delusion and grandiosity that her think im responsible for her loneliness and fear of darkness and whatever , im puzzled from all the people she has a relationship , im the one whom she expects to care about her , me , the one she enjoyed abusing and turn my father against me , i felt like even this women thinks im her property because once my  father protected her to make my life miserable , what the hell . is there something wrong with me that let her believe she could stay in my life and somehow upset me , because its her biggest joy ? Some people understand only power, when it comes to changing their behaviors: my mother stopped hitting me only when I literally stopped her by holding her hands in mine with enough power to stop her from moving toward me. Prior to that, my expressed pain didn’t stop her, my resignation and submissiveness didn’t stop her.  i think the latter would encourage her to hurt you even more , im glad you overpower her some people never get to do it.  The others had Power. We didn’t. very well said but it`s sad , the parents are the one who have to raise you an strong one not abuse their power .

I wonder if you over-exercised yesterday i could barely walk yesterday , lol and yet i did walk , it was nt joyful and made me more sick , well mistakes were made . i hope you are doing ok , actually i had a fruitful day despite being at home . i think its holiday season inUS and most countries , do you celebrate  Hanukah?  sorry i dont know anything about it but i guess its around this time of the year .

far