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Reply To: being surrounded with bitter people and lonliness

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#412642
farnaz
Participant

dear Anita

i know it`s kind of late but happy 15th page , lol .

You are welcome and thank you: it is a great pleasure and benefit for me to be here with you, to communicate as we do!thank you . this  is the part of the day i look forward , it is stress relieving for me personally .

 A True Story of Passion and Murder” by Ann Rule so you are also interested in true crimes, me too . the reality is always stranger than fiction , isnt it ? i was into reading more   when i was a teenage but i got lazy , i prefer watching videos rather than reading , latter  is more engaging but i do another stuff while watching these videos , good stuff obviously , lol . it was interesting for me that you actually read this case , but im not sure  Ann rule was her daughter or an author who wrote her story ?because i remember her daughter who was adapted later in her life contacted Diane , did she write a book ? … and Diane was accusing her daughter to plot against her,  crazy and delusional . to be fair you can`t expect better from a mom who kills her own kids .

histrionics never learn to give up center stage or their beloved mirrors“. it`s like a drug and they are hooked, unfortunately for the people around them

 it’s the combination of my mother’s ignorance and her insistence to not learn, that angers me. No matter how hard I tried, as a teenager and onward, having read books on mental health and such, to teach her something, anything at all…  she INSISTED to not learn, not a SINGLE THING. that reminds of my father , he insisted there is nothing wrong with him and his behavior . so he wouldn`t change anything about him but he was actually very talented and was discovering new ways to play mind games , so i guess he was learning something.

 I think that my mother had to make her internal, private chaos=> external and public. It was a relief to not be in chaos all by herself. i ve never thought of that , this way . i guess its true ,it`s not  fair for them to live such a chaotic unpleasant life and others to be calm , in their minds . i believe this is therapeutic for them to see people in agony .

i was never a competitive person or particularly jealous one . i dont say i didnt feel jealous  or insecure but i guess it wasnt in my nature to compare my self to others and try to raise above them , it feels good but its not that appealing to me , sometimes i feel like im too relaxed but its the reason i get very angry and frustrated with this kind of people , the one who should be in center of attention and dont you notice they usually brag about materialistic and shallow things in life?at least in my experiences , but i can imagine the tension they must experience every minute of the day because they have to be relevant in any situation and i dont think they can do by being themselves and reminding their own business . they should get attention all the time because they feel so empty . its not an easy life to live . dont get me wrong , screw them but still something to think about .

when i write the last paragraph i was thinking about my mom , my sister , the aunt and step mom to less extent my dad . i `m wondering why they are mostly females .

 No matter how hard I tried, as a teenager and onward, having read books on mental health and such, to teach her something… it broke my heart that you were trying to fix her , i imagine you didnt think of yourself of being worthy of trying to feel yourself better  rather than her back then , am i right  ? when my mom was sick i only thought of her feeling not caring about mine at all . and its too much for a teenage dealing with stuff we endured and try to fix it all by ourselves.

 Because adding sugar and salt is cheap, not illegal and profitable, these are added to numerous products. and that makes doctors rich too in long run , lol . its been for a while that im thinking about all the tricks the companies and shops use to make us buy more , its their business and they should have benefit , that i understand but its very infuriating that people with jobs related to maintaining , repairing ,  securities and health earn less money than others . they are considered as essential workers. in recent years suicide in medical residents become so often in Iran , just imagine someone who doesnt have a good night sleep at least 12 nights a month for a year and being under constant stress , because they are basically an student and they should answer to at least 4 people in a given night and maybe 30 overall , and they earn a salary as little as a simple worker who lift heavy objects with no education , that goestoo  to repairmen , it actually depends on their speciality but compare it to a hair colorist , he/she could earn double salaries of this essentiel workers in one day , isnt it messed up ?

Maybe it is an economic opportunity for people there (it is very expensive here and it is my biggest chosen indulgence)i should search more and get to know about prices , i dont think its cheap here , i`ll let you know

far