Hi Helcat

I want to just move on from this girl but it’s hard because I know there was at least something and it was just completely out of the blue and I know from experience that it’s pretty much dead in the water & to be honest I don’t want to risk putting myself out there again as much as I want a partner just for the same thing to happen and they don’t feel a connection to me. I don’t know whether I am supposed to go faster or slower, whether I need to physically escalate faster etc etc.

Basically feels like being down to earth, pretty much easy going in nature, having a stable job/family, being fit/healthy & having basic good morals/values is still not enough for someone to take a chance on me, what is it that I missing?

Oh I should of been more clear, the trip was just like a 4 day trip interstate with my best friend and his girlfriend which was pre-planned prior to meeting this girl. She had said she felt completely like herself around me and was more than happy to continue seeing me when I got back etc etc, affection was there. The only real sign of her going cold was when she ultimately mentioned it and I was a bit like to myself “what happened in 3/4 days”. I don’t regret reaching out after giving it a few weeks to breath to tell her that basically I think she’s a great girl whose worth the effort to get to know better if she’d ever be open to it again. I didn’t do it in a desperate way, I just told her what I thought of her (ie good values, good outlook on the future like my own, kind) & that it would be a shame given we were both comfortable etc to not get to know her better so I just said there’d be no pressure other than getting to know each other better & if she wasn’t into the idea ultimately I’d respect it. So without saying exactly what I said that was the gist of it so I hope even though she just reiterated what she had said to me previously I hope she still would have a good impression of me & know I was genuine & had right intention.

My work is busy but I am lucky where I am that it has the right amount of work/life balance and I tend to start earlier in the day if I am going to have a long day so I don’t get home late, and I would make the effort to spend time with a partner as they would ultimately be my priority.

I was only using Hinge which I just deleted, tinder & bumble I didn’t like for different reasons. Tinder wasn’t really my vibe & Bumble I really had no success so I just thought I’d pick one and stick to that so I picked Hinge.

I think before I deleted Hinge just the other day I had about 180ish matches over the course of last year when I had re-downloaded it. Usually the match doesn’t reply after a couple messages or if I happen to get into decent conversation with them I take it off the app & it might progress to a date from there. I can tell more so now with experience which girls I would be keen to meet pretty early on & I have been told that I come across the same in person as I do via message which they say is easy going/nice/good to talk to but maybe slightly quieter natured but not in a bad way.

Like I don’t doubt these women think I am a good person/nice to talk to etc etc, I can’t really remember any dating experiences having ended on bad terms to be honest as I may have mentioned I typically just accept things and don’t burn bridges particularly if I happened to like the girl just in the hope it might change sometimes but that’s wishful thinking in pretty much all cases from my experience as I have never had a girl really change their mind or get back in contact unless I randomly make it happen.

It sounds like I get friend zoned a lot, which is probably true but I don’t even think it is specifically “friend zoned” because if I am/was interested in a girl & that conversation comes up I usually just respect what they say but don’t really entertain the idea of really growing a friendship but I’ve definitely talked to girls I have dated from time to time on social media months after we’ve dated but they are very brief exchanges and I would not say we are “friends”.

This might not make sense but it feels like I am pretty much in-between a friend and a romantic connection. Like I think people see potential in me as a partner & more than a friend & I have been described by girls as someone they’d take home to their parents but then there’s not enough of a connection or spark for them to put in the effort to get to know me better on a deeper level or be patient even when things are going really well & there’s really no need not to explore something. I understand you can’t force a connection and I would never do that but gee it feels like I tick boxes but there’s one I don’t tick and that is basically what stops everything.

Now I am utterly confused, exhausted and drained as to how I am supposed to go about it anymore. I should be myself which I try to do but it feels like ultimately I’m really not worth the extra effort for a girl.