Hi Anita

Sure thing,

Basically I think I have always had a degree of anxiety coming from my parents as they can be stress heads and probably for me mainly within large group settings I have in the past struggled to really “find my feet” and be comfortable in my own skin enough to just relax and be myself which stems from low self esteem.

I do not believe people would really ever think upon meeting me that I have suffered from those type of things but I guess if I can explain it best it would be that I grew up around a very “alpha male” type of group and within sporting environments where sort of oneupmanship was a theme and a “boys club” type of vibe. Me personally I would describe as an introverted extrovert, like an onion type of analogy you have to peal back the layers to get to know me more and more but I am not necessarily shy I just need to warm up/get comfortable. I don’t think this really fit in with these types of groups even though I was respected by pretty much the whole group.

I think entering into adult life and throwing women into the mix of this dynamic perpetuated my anxiety & worsened my self esteem as the narrative in my head has become “you have to be an alpha male type” to get the girl otherwise eventually just being my natural down to earth laidback self will be too boring. So therefore because of this I struggled to really feel comfortable to be myself early on in dating but now it has changed.

I still have those thoughts and when things like this happen that’s sort of the line of thinking I instantly revert back to but I always try to be myself no matter what & I realise this opens me up to feel rejection quite heavily & self doubt ensues.

Where I am at now after the latest disappointment is basically even when you match values, future outlook, common interests etc etc and the boxes on both sides are being ticked it seems that I am not ultimately worth the effort for a girl to really seriously pursue. they don’t have a bad opinion of me, I think its the opposite but I am starting to believe whilst I may be thought of as a good guy, I am not quite good enough. Yes, maybe I haven’t met the right girl but I feel like for literally none of the women I have dated to really ever mention they even half like me in that way makes it hard to believe that will just change.