Hello Anita,

Thank you for checking up on me. My health is good now and I try to take daily walks every day. I usually go to pick up some delivery from access point (books or cosmetics, or cat food), it’s about 1 km away. It has been my nice routine. Even if I don’t have anything to pick up I still go for a walk there. I have been silent on the forum because I have been caught up too much in this BPD, obsessed I am going to lose people I care about when they discover my condition. But it’s ok, I am trying to be reasonable about it, just have some anxiety because of this and thinking too much, having difficulties accepting this. I apologize for not responding earlier (I know you wouldn’t be angry but still wanted to say this).

 to remember a traumatic event without remembering how you felt during the event, is like watching a movie of your life, watching it as if it happened to someone else… isn’t it, for you? (I may be the one misunderstanding how you experience memories of traumatic events).

I have been thinking about this for past days and I am not sure whether I know how I felt then. My memories are very short, like couple of seconds of things I observed or experienced myself. Whenever I recall this it’s always the same: particular moment and remembering I must have been scared or.. do not remember any feeling at all. Sorry if this is confusing.

I wonder if you will benefit from reading from John Bradshaw‘s book “Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing your Inner Child“.

I got this book, thank you for recommending, Anita. It’s quite long I see (I hope I didn’t get a wrong one) but I like reading about healing.

Of course, you can always share a traumatic event here, on your thread, something you already did. As you share, take breaks when it gets intense or uncomfortable,  notice your breathing from time to time, and take slow breaths, see what feelings come up, if any.

Thank you. I found it helpful last time. It was difficult but today the thought of even remembering this doesn’t feel that scary.