Dear Robbi1992:

You are very welcome!

“The thing is that sometimes it’s very hard to know which ‘voice’ I’m hearing.  Is this my gut speaking or my mind ? Am I really following my instinct/intuition or I’m guided by my fears and insecurities ?“-  your fears and insecurities reside in your gut and they are speaking to you. Knowing what to do  next- what’s the best choice- resides in your mind and in your gut, but you have to put the fear and insecurities aside for a while, so to get to the answer.

“There are 2 things that seem to keep me busy thinking over and over.  1) Do I want to be with this woman ? 2) Should we go somewhere else?… She’s been very understanding and suggested we should look for a room somewhere else“- my gut feeling is that you should live elsewhere (out of her mother’s flat, at least) with your girlfriend, but also, that you should go through some more healing from your difficult childhood (while living with her, or during a break from living with her).

“1) I often feel like I got bored. We spend time together but it’s not as interesting as it used to be.. I also don’t really feel like connecting. Quite the contrary, when she texts me I feel resistance“- this is the re-living of your childhood emotional experience: feeling bored, disconnected and sometimes angry.

“What if she really is good for me, and we are good for each other and the reason why I’m not able to enjoy if fully is my f*cked up programming?“- I don’t think that you can feel that any woman (no matter who she is) is right for you, not after an initial infatuation/ not for long.

“I often remember the way I felt when I was going out and talked to girls and had complete ‘freedom’“- imagine freedom (without the quotation marks you used, real freedom, that is) within a long-term relationship with a woman…?

“I enjoyed a lot impressing them and acting cool around them. I enjoyed a lot this initial stage when they don’t really know me“- this is wearing the mask you talked about back in June 2018. Real freedom is about having an intimate relationship without wearing a mask, having “something authentic, something real“, using your words of less than 2 hours ago.

“Do you remember when during my childhood I’ve had no privacy, and I basically lived in a room which wasn’t at all suitable for me, the one with the glass door ? Well, you’re not gonna believe this.  None of the rooms except the living room and bathroom have doors…“- amazing indeed. Clearly, you should move out. Try to be nice to her mother, knowing you will be moving out soon. Like you said, it’s been very nice for her to let you live there with her daughter.

anita