Dear lorn:

“I just feel like there is a healthier way to deal with this“- by this, you mean your desire for a relationship (what you referred to as “primary desire” in the title of your thread). Fantasizing about a relationship, although it relieves your anxiety and makes it possible for you to sleep at nights, it otherwise increases your desire for a relationship. You tried to substitute meditation and distractions for the fantasy, but the result has been insomnia. Having a relationship is not possible for you now, and not for a long time.

I am just about to go for my daily walk and will think about your dilemma. When I return, I will post again.

anita