Hi Eric

There’s no need to apologise. This is your journal and you are free to express anxiety.

I’m sorry you’re struggling. I have some grounding techniques to share that can be soothing when anxiety is high. Please feel free to research your own online. There are many techniques and you may find something more suitable for you.

I’m also going to share that this is recurring anxiety due to the theme of being afraid she will leave you as you have anxiety about not feeling good enough. It isn’t really linked to occasions, this is a constant fear for you. But occasions such as this do bring it to your attention. This may be a coping strategy to reduce your anxiety at other times. What I’m trying to suggest is that it isn’t really about what is happening. If that makes sense?

Anyway, the aforementioned grounding techniques.

Describing senses in detail. Aim for 5 things for each sense. But don’t worry about smell and taste as much. The more detail the better. Imagine that you are describing these sensations to an alien new to this world. They don’t really know what it is you are describing, so they need a really detailed description.

Imagery is another good exercise. Imagine a place that feels really safe to you. This could be anywhere real or not. Anything is possible, it is your imagination. Anything or anyone you need at all is there.

I like to imagine being down at the beach with my dogs because it is my favourite place and being with them makes me feel safe. I also like to see them happy and they are happy when they run.

When you have some ideas, begin to describe it to yourself in detail how it would feel to be there. Any sensations, like the grounding exercise above.

For example, the sun is shining. The sand is damp and my feet sink slightly into it as I walk. The sound of the waves is soothing, with the rhythmic gentle crash like someone softly shushing. Shhhh! The dogs are running and jumping in the sea. When they run back to me they shake and flick droplets of water onto me giving me a shock even though they do this every time and I do my best to dodge out of the way.

If you feel up to it try taking a look at your list of what makes you a good boyfriend. If not, that’s fine too.

Please let me know if you find any parts helpful or unhelpful. It may give some insight into what helps your anxiety.

Wishing you all the best 🙏