Dear helcat,

Thank you for the detailed explanation regarding how i experience trauma when i was a child which leads me to always suffering from anxiety and worry right now….

Do u think how i’m afraid that she might think i’m “low” if she saw my ‘small’ house is also part of that trauma?

I feel like there is nothing i can offer to her, that’s why i really wanna show her my financial capabilities… but because my house is small it’s hard for me to show it…. because logically people with a strong financial capabilities must’ve a big house right? But my parents never start building the “big house”…. yes they’ve planned on it for a long time, but they keep postponing because they are already comfortable with our small house…..

So today one of our higher rank employees from our company just finished constructing her new house, it’s way bigger than ours… when i went there i really wanna tell my parents, why wont they start building the new house….. Because i know our financial capabilities can build us a big house that’ll really ease all of my anxiety regarding my “house trauma”

You will come to learn in time that none of it is true. It’s all simply an old habit. Something that you’ve done over and over for year’s because you had bad experiences as a child.

One of it was because when i was in middle school, i used to get mocked from some of my friends due to my house … i think this trauma triggers me till now, that im so embarrassed if i have a small house…… that’s why till now i havent invited her to my house….. i wanna show my financial capabilities first…..

I think this trauma is also because i used to get underestimated and misunderstood….. like when i was younger, my friends used to mock my house thinking that i have a lower financial capabilities than them….. also because my family owns an aquarium store in which the store is wet…. But they didnt know that my dad’s company has build several housing complex and owns food markets, etc…

This is why it’s hard for me, to show her that i have financial capabilities i cant just only invite her to my house….. she wont know right? That’s why it’s tiring that i have to explain those above…. to show my financial capabilities….