Hi Dave,

I’ve been reading through the thread a little and this is what I see:

you guys have grown apart emotionally because there was just not enough energy left for the want-to’s after taking care of all the have-to’s for years.
If you really want to reconnect emotionally and physically, make a plan together to get there.

1. Describe what you both want to achieve in a realistic way (being intimate, how does that look like for you). Describe it in details, even if it feels awkward.
2. When you’ve got your goal clear, start making plans on how to get there from scratch. Start with defining a moment where you are both available on a weekly basis, or more often. Like every Tuesday at 9PM and every Friday at 9:30 PM for example.

3. Then describe what you will do in those moments. She massages your nek for 10 minutes, you massage her feet for 10 minutes. While doing so you ask what she likes or dislikes and she does the same while massaging you. Afterwards you cuddle and discuss what you are feeling honestly. Were you scared to be rejected, or just started feeling that emotional connection already? Were you distracted with thoughts about the have-to’s? Write these questions down so you have them ready when the moment comes.

4. Add steps to get closer to the intimacy you both want (your defined goal) .

5. Commit to these times and block them in your agenda. And call it exercises at first. Before you move on to the next step in the plan, first check in with eachother, are you both ready to proceed?

6. Have fun together doing the intimacy-exercises and hug at least 8 times a day for at least 30 seconds. It will increase your happiness-hormones.

Things are not lost, you both need to recommit to being emotionally intimate.