Hi Adam,

she has been in therapy years ago and she said she didn’t take anything from it and that it doesn’t help her.

What kind of therapy was she in? Usually CBT doesn’t work with sexual trauma. I think it’s better to have some kind of somatic therapy, where trauma is processed through the body as well. So perhaps the type of therapy, or the fact that she was still a teen back then, rendered the therapy inefficient?

I think she should start therapy again, specially if she wants to wean off antidepressants. I have no experience with antidepressants, but the experts say that the best results are obtained when using antidepressants in conjunction with therapy. I imagine therapy could support her while trying to wean off medication. She tried to do it on her own, and I guess it’s not surprising she found it very hard and impossible. So perhaps you could encourage her to try a different kind of therapy, which would finally work for her (and maybe even help her get off medications)?

It was something I could always bring her back from and she always new she was safe during it and told me that I did the right thing every time.

That’s great that you could calm her down and be a safe person for her, during one of those episodes.

She did take certain things the wrong way at first but again always realized I wasn’t trying to bring her down in the end. This was helped by me explaining to her my point of view and making it obvious as I could that I did actually love her.

Alright, so she was open to listening to your explanation and you managed to convince her (at least temporarily) that you love her. But the problem is that it only works for a while, until the next “trigger”, and then it starts all over again. That’s why I think she was tired of going through another cycle of being triggered and then you trying to reassure her – when she knows it doesn’t really help on the long run.

You are probably right as the key thing would be therapy in order to have a higher self esteem and overcome her trauma. That’s all I wanted for her to start feeling better in her own skin. I did have a feeling therapy may be the only way and that’s why I suggested professional help on several occasions.

Yes, it was a good suggestion, and as I said, you may try suggesting that she gives it another chance.

Regardless I just want her to know I am here for support during her journey, however that may be.

I will be sending a card and poem soon so wish me luck. I have kept it from being too heartfelt as I don’t want to push her over the edge.

Good luck with the card and the poem! I hope she responds positively and appreciates your words of support. It’s good you don’t intend this letter as the beginning of another cycle with her, because I imagine she is tired and disappointed in herself and doesn’t have strength for another cycle. That’s why it’s great that you included this in your letter: “This isn’t me asking for the relationship back only offering my support and assistance if you want it. You can count on me even though we aren’t together.“

So, I wish you luck and hope that she will start caring of herself better. And that perhaps you can be a part of her healing journey….