Hi Adam,

good to hear she’s agreed to therapy.

It’s been very confusing she said she does want to get back with me but doesn’t want me to be in the middle of her own issues for the next 5-6 months. This is how long she thinks it will take to taper off her medication. I offered my support regardless.

When she says she doesn’t want you to be in the middle of her issues for the next 5-6 months, does it mean she doesn’t want you to push her and try to rush her healing? She did agree to therapy, but you say that if she doesn’t go, you’ll try to push her (If I don’t see her taking action on it though, I will push her a bit to go there.). That’s exactly what she asked you to do before… not to push her. And I guess she is still asking you the same?

So be aware of getting into another cycle of pushing and having expectations on her, because that’s what puts you at risk of becoming codependent:

I told her its for her own good and also my own peace of mind.

If your are attached to her making steps towards healing, and you get upset if she chooses not to, or not as fast as you’d like to, you put yourself in a codependent position. Because your happiness and peace of mind will continue to depend on her actions.

I am going to talk about it tonight with my psychologist. The feeling of being rejected and abandoned. I wouldn’t know where too start with this but I am happy to talk about it. I don’t think there is a specific example from my childhood where I felt really rejected and that’s what caused it. Maybe more just feeling like a didn’t fit in when I was younger and that caused it?

There are plenty of scenarios why a child can feel rejected. If you felt you didn’t fit it, that can be a reason. You also said earlier you didn’t want to disappoint your mother – so perhaps you were trying your best not to disappoint her, but still, somehow you felt not good enough? All those could be reasons for feeling rejected now. So yes, by all means do talk about it with your psychologist.

She has opened up to me and been very heart felt and apologetic. We are currently talking and seeing how things go. … I am giving her my encouragement and support still but I have made it obvious that she needs to do the hard work and face it all herself.

It’s good you’re more vigilant, but as I said, make sure you’re not getting into another cycle with her, only now as her friend and “supporter”, not as her boyfriend. Try to detach yourself a little from her healing process, i.e. try not to make it the central part of your life. Something that determines your happiness and how you feel about yourself. So if you could detach yourself a little, I think it would make things much easier for you.