Hi Jill

Healthy boundaries are important, establishing them difficult, especially as it comes to family.  So easy to trigger the “ghosts” of the past and doing so reacting to the past instead of the present moment and the relationship we really desire to have with those we love.  We all have a tendency to focus on the worst memories and overlooking the more positive ones.

The task of removing the past from being in the present requires creating a safe space for honest communication.  Here the art of detachment, meditation and contemplation can help, even then its not easy. The best advice on preparing to enter into such dialog I’ve come across was  a book by Kerry Patterson –  Crucial Conversations Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High.

That said there are times when Love requires that relationships end. (relationships never end even if people decide not to meet up again so the word ‘end’ may not be the correct word).

I intentionally use the words the “Love requires”, meaning that the decision to end a relationship is for the good and growth of all involved and and genuine concern of all involved.  In Crucial Conversations before dialog begins all parties involved must first ‘master thier stories’. I believe the same is required in determining if ones actions are coming from a place of love or from a the intention to punish and be right.

It seems most of the stories we tell ourselves, as they involve troubled relationships, tend to fall into two categories – victim and villain stories – which more likely then not trigger the ghosts and end dialog/relationship. I mention it only to suggest that if were telling victim and villain stories were probably not acting from a place of love but to punish, ourselves and others. And being right, we love to be right, nothing better then being righteously right. (no saying your doing that, that very much is a trap of which I am well versed.)

I’ll be candid even knowing the above I’ve failed more times then succeeding in healing troubled relationships and that for the good (growth) of all involved have had a relationships end or limited.  Surprisingly it has been in the pain of a ending relationships that I have learned and grown to do and be better. That growth sometimes lead to reconciliation but not always. That is the way of Life.

I wasn’t sure what you meant when you asked for support and I hope I have not crossed a line.  I am not suggesting you are not right in feeling what your feeling or that your decision to limit contact isn’t for the best for all involved. My hope for you is that by accessing to your inner truth and stillness you find peace with your decisions. In your stillness you will know.