Dear Katrine,

Yeah, he knew we were sitting at that table but didn’t come over until I went to the bathroom. My guy then went to smoke and my previous crush then jus sat there looking into the air so I started to do a bit of smalltalk. He left just before my guy came back.

That sounds okay – he didn’t want to impose himself or come between the two of you. And it’s great that you could do the small talk without getting anxious or awkward. So I think you’re making great progress on that front. Congratulations!

I think that he isn’t jealous because the other guy is now dating another brunette. We haven’t talked about him since January where he asked me if he was still acting weird and that he didn’t like the way he treated me.

Oh so your previous crush is already dating someone else, not that 21-yr old Australian girl? It’s good your new guy isn’t jealous, but if he ever shows some uncertainty, do let him know that you don’t have feelings for the other guy anymore. Because he (the chef) knows how much you suffered because of the other guy. So I guess it doesn’t hurt to let him know (in an appropriate moment) that you don’t have feelings for the other guy any more. But you don’t have to bring this up out of the blue, only if he seems troubled about it.

He said that he doesn’t take a step forworth only to back away because it wasn’t what he thought it was, and that he wants to be absolutly sure before talking the next step. And after our first kiss he did tell my collegues that he was very happy but he was afraid that I thought he went to fast.

Maybe a part of his hesitation to kiss you was that he knew how much you pined for the other guy, and so he thought maybe it’s too soon?

He’s a good guy everybody loves him at work and he did ask me if i wanna go travel a when he gets back, I said i could come and visit him in Portugal on his birthday in June (he needs to go to Portugal after Brazil to visit properties with his new job) he really liked that idea. He even told his friend about it and has some ideas of things for us to do.

That all sounds very promising!

Yes, we did. He was with me until midnight and he had to take a bus to the airport at 2 am so he could be there for his early flight, he ended up pulling an all nighter since we were together so long that he didn’t have time to rest before going.

Glad you’re now officially dating and that he was with you till the last moment!

He’s just not much of a texter, and it’s causing some anxieties on my part. I’m thinking of asking him to be honest with me, like if he’s feelings changes that he would let me know instead of just stop writing, like so many people have done.

Well, let him know you’d like to hear from him regularly. If he is a considerate guy, I don’t see a reason why he wouldn’t do it. Unless he doesn’t have internet access back home?

Also, you seem to be making scenarios in your head that he might abandon you. That’s your wounded part acting out… As I said, he might have hesitated to kiss you sooner because he wasn’t sure if you still had feelings for the other guy. Not because he was starting to change his mind about you…

You see? You started to worry that he doesn’t like you anymore, while he was worrying that he was going too fast. That’s why it’s important that you communicate with him, not assume what he is thinking. Because that’s what our wounded self does – assumes the worst possible scenarios. While the reality can be totally opposite…