My story is a sad one of half a lifetime that has been ruined by my inability to deal with my situation.

It may be more accurate to say that you are dealing with your situation only not achieving the desired results… though you are likely achieving the subconscious ones.  Maybe its semantics but in my opinion how we tell our story is important. In the end its the story we live in not the moment of life as it is, which is a reason we suffer.

I like how Richard Wagamese put it: “Life is hard. There are challenges. There are difficulties. There is pain. As a younger man, I sought to avoid pain and difficulty and only caused myself more of the same. These days, I choose to face life head-on — and I have become a comet. I arc across the sky of my life, the hard times are the friction that shaves off the worn and tired bits. The more I travel head-on, the more I am shaped, and the things that no longer work or are unnecessary drop away.
It’s a good way to travel. I believe eventually I will wear away all resistance, until all that’s left of me is light.”

I’ve been looking into the Zen notion of non-duality and spontaneity and what that means with regards to facing life head on, as it is.  Uncertainty, doubt, fear, suffering these are things when faced the impulse is to back or even run away. The Way suggestion is to lean in. Funny its the same advice you get in the military when you find yourself ambushed, turn into the ambush and press into it.

Funny / Sad we suffer more from the stories we tell then from the actually happening. If true, a task on the path is to master ones stories, vice letting the stories master you. Either way you will suffer… still depending on the path you just might end up with better stories. Keep an eye out for victim and villain stories, thier often a sign of justifications, projections, shadow…. all the things we do in order to suffer in place and stay stuck.

Just as it is often the case that we are sad because we are sad, we suffer because we are suffering. Begs the question if its possible we suffer more form the notion of suffering then from the event where we were disappointment by a desire not turning out as we hoped and or willed it might.