Hi John,

I can’t rule out the possibility that this could be the start of another “on again” phase. … Even if it happened, I know it would go nowhere as I have never been able to deal with the other side of my life.

You want her to return to being your lover, although you know you won’t be able to leave your wife. I understand that you feel miserable and lonely without her. However, please have understanding for her too. Think of her needs – because she told you clearly that it’s not good for her to be in the role of your lover and wait for you to decide for years on end.

She had a very hard time freeing herself from this unhealthy situation, and she finally succeeded 4 years ago. She now realizes that meeting you won’t do her any good (she thinks it will be a bad idea for both of us), but unfortunately, she is too weak to resist.

I don’t think it’s fair to drag her into this again, specially since you know you won’t be able to leave your wife. Just try to look at it from her perspective, and how painful it is for her.