Thank you so much for both your replies! It means a lot to me as I don’t feel comfortable talking about this stuff to anyone. Yeh I’d say I hate feeling of looking vulnerable in this way. You are right Tee, so very spot on. I play it cool because I have been pretty damaged in the past…now it’s almost like I’m not sure what I want because that fear overtakes me. It’s like I will only let myself go there if I’m 100 per cent sure I’m safe…but that can never be gareenteed. I know this prob comes down to my ability to know ill be OK regardless of others. I’m protecting myself constantly but I’m not really living fully.