Tee – It is entirely possible that she feels a certain obligation towards me.  Perhaps as someone who once meant a lot to her…. and yes, I am the one who tends to initiate communications.  It has always been a little that way as a result of the circumstances but more so these days, which speaks volumes.  I am aware of its significance but am told that it isn’t an issue but it doesn’t always feel like that.

Maida – Thanks for your input.  I didn’t do anything to deserve the punishment in the early days and I didn’t believe I deserved it either.  A reason could always be fabricated and it was.  As I have mentioned in a much earlier part to this story, it is largely absent these days but the damage inflicted is still with me.  Not to the same degree it once was but still present.  I am struggling at the moment with a sense of loss and grieving for what I once had and what could have been, even though I have already had years to get over it.  I think I have to accept that this time it really is all ancient history but that is something I have had to try to accept on several previous occasions, which turned out not to be the case.  History has had a habit of repeating itself.  I think not this time though.  I have to accept that and have had to live with it in the past but it will be hard for me to stop hoping and wanting, which I know isn’t the road I should be on.