I guess I could have become dependent on her overtime considering I was a lot happier in the beginning. Eventually her mood would also affect mine, she told me she never wanted her bad moods to affect people and that’s why she chose to leave at times and be distant. That’s how she is in reality.

She said she did want to work on healing but she didn’t really take any action on it. Do you think I pushed her to change too much? I did earlier in the relationship, but then I stopped and was left waiting for her to still get work, therapy etc.

So you think I was in love with the idea of what she could be? There was a lot I loved and also a lot I didn’t but I put up with it. I taught myself that it was okay and this was just who she was.

She wasn’t content with me at all in the last 3 or so weeks. She was often in my ear telling me I need to change my priorities and be there for her etc.

I do see how the reality is a lot different and I think that’s what hurts but I do feel I am healing as well. Just the thought of it all actually ending causes grief.

I don’t know why I am latching into an imagined future. I feel like each day I think about it a tiny bit more. I will try my hardest to not beautify the relationship and remember what it actually was.

I will chat with my psych about it as well.