Yeh I really tied supporting her 24/7 but it was like a full time job. I was so tired after work then I’d come home and be waiting for a message that could go either way depending on her mood. I was always myself around her at first but the more she became unstable and voice concerns the more I would feel like I wasn’t enough.

I was attached to her definitely and I still am finding it hard not to be. The idea of her changing just lingers in my head. I couldn’t leave because I had so much faith and trust that she would stick it out and push through those hard times, I can’t understand why she didn’t. Why she had to leave makes no sense to me still.

I didn’t expect the cycle to change straight away that’s why I stuck around. I was prepared to wait for her to find work, get off meds and hopes she would end up in the better place. I couldn’t push her anymore than I already had.  So you think that we only reconciled in the past because I reached out? Last time I did send letter etc. but she reached out to me before she received all of that. it makes me think we will still rekindle and she will want to, so I’m not sure what to do or think.

In an ideal situation I wouldn’t be loosing myself your right. It hurts a lot loosing her because I really feel like she was the one and that it was a shared vision. In her eyes I think she was bringing me down and that’s why she left. But that sounds like an excuse if that’s the reason.

Yeh there is definitely a deep longing and it’s difficult to let go of it. I still think about reaching out and the what’s ifs. I am yet to hear back about grabbing my things. I am a bit anxious about now where as the other day I wasn’t.

I just wanted to find myself with her and I thought I really could’ve. Maybe she didn’t feel the same.