No we are not staying friends. Like you mentioned I was there for her for 11 months straight. She was only saying things like ‘I’d love to still have you in my life’ but I don’t think she actually meant it. If she did I would be.

She really blamed me for a lot. It hurt to hear her say that in her final message. That she took it out on me because that’s what it really felt like at the time and I was so confused, I tore myself apart because I thought I was overthinking it. Made me feel worthless and like I was doing something wrong but it was her just taking anger out on me.

There was so many things, mostly innocent that triggered her. I wouldn’t even no where to start but whenever there was a disagreement her first reaction was to leave and it almost seemed like a power move to keep me on my toes.

I remember after we got back together last time I explained I will want some free space occasionally. The one time I said to her I want a night to myself she was okay with it. However the very next day she said she wanted a night to herself. I had no issues with it either.
However the next day she told me she only said that to be petty. She wanted me to know that I can’t pick and choose when I see her. I stopped asking for my own time after that.

I was like a parent, partner, caretaker, brother and a friend all in one. It was a full time job and it became so consuming and overwhelming.

It does kind of make sense to me but I’m not really sure how to get in touch with my inner child.
I am trying to focus on things that make me happy. Work and my house is a big priority for me. At the moment it’s hard to find things that make me happy but I’m glad I’m not walking on egg shells anymore. I had this realization last night when I was sitting and home and it just seemed so peaceful. No responsibility with how another person is feeling. No bad moods affecting my mood.

I felt loved as a child I think as a teenager, especially from girls I didn’t feel loved. More judged. I might have attachment issues because of this, I’m planning to speak to my psych about it too.

Any tips of healing my inner child? It’s been a week now and I’m honestly feeling okay, I’m just digging up all the old things that I kept my mouth shut about. And there is a lot of things I regret not speaking up about but as discussed it wouldn’t have changed anything if I told her.