Hey Tee

I think if she reached out anytime soon I would have a discussion with her about why we can’t. What do you think if she reaches out in the distant future? That is a worry of mine. I feel as I would still have some attachment years from now.

Everything we have spoken about in the past few days especially has made it a lot clearer to what was going on. I never even had a thought of emotional abuse in my life until the week before the break up. I think I was experiencing it more and more as time went on. I felt like at the start when she was working and on her correct medication that the relationship was a lot better. But come to think of it we had break ups every 2 months. Either way we were splitting up but maybe it wasn’t until later when I actually experienced the manipulation etc.

Not a lot of hobbies unfortunately. I do like riding occasionally and walking. Gaming is usually my escape too. However I felt like that got taken away a bit. Yes work and the house definitely give me some fulfillment, like my effort at work has rewarded a house I guess.

I have lots of friends so I am lucky there. I didn’t see them much during the relationship and she had only met them all a few times. My best friend and Mum have been the most supportive during all the break ups.

I don’t think it’s anything related to my childhood. My memories are all nice, my parents were great, my brother caring.

I was thinking today about my ex and her family. Her mother was very sweet, her father was nice but he definitely had a switch and could snap. Very similar to my ex in ways and from what she’s told me he would get quite angry at her when she was young. Her sister is on the same medication as her also. I think a lot of this could be related.

I know how to treat myself right and focus on myself it will come to me again soon enough. I have support for when I’m lonely and daydreaming. I am obviously upset but overall I’m coping. Still a bit of a shock to the system in saying that even after so many times.

I will start writing some stuff down myself but any help would be greatly appreciated! I do fantasize about a relationship with her at times but I’m getting good at pulling myself out of that train of thought and unpacking what the relationship actually was in reality.

I think I am already doing all those things. Setting precautions for fantasizing, surrounding myself with support, going to therapy etc.

I guess I am taking the right steps then. I don’t think I’m depressed just very emotional about it all, there’s not really much relief though.