Hi Adam,

I’ve seen your second post only after I’ve submitted mine.

I am happy to hear that you’re analyzing your relationship from a more rational, objective perspective, without being swept by emotions.

I think I am finding it difficult with attachment because as an individual she definitely had certain things I liked in terms of a partner.

What are the qualities she had that you cherish in a partner?

The other things making it difficult is knowing I actually did try everything. I changed a lot, I wrote letter, poems, supported her, did things she liked, reasoned with her and put lots of effort in. I am also proud of this just knowing how much I can do for someone is a good feeling. It’s also nice knowing that’s how I am as a person.

Great! So you are reframing this experience not as a failure (“I did everything, but nothing helped”), but as a proof of how good and caring partner you are. That’s the right attitude!

Lastly it just feels bad realizing that she didn’t love me the same way I did to her. But that’s okay because I know I will receive the same love one day.

Also a great attitude! You’re realizing it’s not your fault that she didn’t love you enough, but it’s her own limitations.

I remember one time I picked a movie that was about child abuse in a church. She freaked out straight away and asked me if that’s what I’m into and why I would be interested in a movie like that. So she was basically accusing me of being a pedophile or atleast had thoughts of it because I chose a movie based on the topic.

If she was sexually abused, it would have been triggering for her. But accusing you of being a pedophile is definitely an overreaction and not fair.

Anyway I just thought I would post again to get some stuff off my chest. I’m writing down goals in my notes and I have a good list so far!

Fantastic! I am glad you’re looking towards the future. Just keep posting and sharing here, for as long as you need…