Hey Tee

So have you experienced a similar situation to mine. I do feel as the finishing piece would be to have a loving long term partner who understands me. I have been successful in a lot of other ways and completed lots of goals of mine already at a reasonable age. Ever since I was young I’ve longed for a real partner.

Maybe I did loose some of these qualities I’m not actually sure about that. I don’t feel like I’ve been a spontaneous person at all, I’m a lot more about planning and calculating. Maybe this is where we also didn’t see eye to eye. In terms of playfulness and childishness I definitely get glimpses of it however at times I am not playful at all and quite dull like we talked about earlier. I think with my ex I became really drained from everything and it made me less inclined to be playful towards the end. It felt like I was a parent more than a partner at times. She actually complained we didn’t play fight and she would ask for attention, similar to a child.

I think her passion for her craft really intrigued me. She was into crystals, chakras etc and I never have been a spiritual person like that. I found it interesting but not convincing. I think this was also a big difference for her. She read into a lot of things because of her knowledge on chakras etc and I think this is where comments like “your body is rejecting mine” came from. In saying that I admired how much she really enjoyed making necklaces etc.

I did spend time doing stuff with my parents that you would consider fun as a child. I tried sports, musical instruments, art but I only really enjoyed gaming as a child. It was my escape and still is. I did pursue athletics for a few years and enjoyed bmx riding but as I aged I didn’t enjoy spending my time doing that as much during school especially. I will speak with my psych about this tomorrow as well as everything we’ve touched on recently.

So it was wrong of me to push her? Or it was wrong of me to expect that pushing her would start the change?
Okay I do understand what you are saying. I expected her to change and thought my efforts would make it happen?

I am slowly realizing it wasn’t my destiny and I think I always knew this. I think if she stuck around and didn’t leave so much I would’ve felt more destined with her. I think if someone pushes through those tough times with me and shows me they can change and want too then I get that destined feeling. However I’ve never had that, only glimpses with her.

I ended up telling her she was getting blocked just out of courtesy but i don’t think she really cared. However I told her she can reach out in the future if she wants to share stories one day. I don’t think she will but I will be in a better spot by then. I think I’m getting very close to ending the chapter of my life and actually moving on. I’m just over it by now. It gets me thinking about my past exes and relationships. I always have a soft spot for my past women it’s almost a comfort thing.