Dear Tee,

I’m sorry to hear that you are not well. I hope you will feel better soon 💓

Thank you for your kind words of consolation and explaining the dynamics of the relationships. I can understand now that it is not always about having sex too soon but more about the people and emotions involved. Don’t worry about being too blunt, as it helps me see the things exactly as they are. I appreciate it.

We never spoke about those matters at home and anything sexual was quite shameful and avoided to talk about. I felt closed off emotionally and physically all my life and was afraid of romantic relationships. On top of that I always longed for a loving father and a loving husband eventually. To be honest this feeling was so strong that I can’t live my life fully and it also affects my health badly.

I had no chance to do my list as I am still trying to recover emotionally from my yesterday’s experience. You will not believe what happened…

I walking on the street and I saw the last guy. He did not see me so I decided to go after him and see if he will want to talk.

He was very surprised to see me. The conversation was a bit awkward but he gave some answers I was looking for. He explained that he decided to not reply as he did not want to hurt me. I told him that his silence hurts even more.

Then I asked why he did not want to stay in touch. Basically he was not happy that I wasn’t sexually ‘wild’ with him (when he invited me to his house last time). He expected more to happen and what he did is not enough for him. At some point he was quite explicit with his words and things he expected that evening. Got totaly emotional and said his ex was like that, very sexual and wild (she has a daughter from a previous relationship and apparently lots of experience). Then I asked if I reminded him of her. So he took his phone and showed me their pictures from travels and wedding video. I did not know if I should smile or cry. His hands were shaking, started to smoke and said he doesn’t feel like going out, talking, doing things together, no yoga, no walks. He just wants to be there for his son but is open to meet me without going out.

Then he asked me when was the last time I slept with a man and did not like the fact that I was not experienced in those matters. Also tried to have a pick at my décolleté but I refused. He said: ‘You see, you do not let me do anything and you expect me to be content without progressing fast?’

I explained to him that I need more than that and there is no romance at all, no dates and he is not my man yet to be this open with him. Well, for now he can’t offer more than that and expects me to be sexually open first (especially at my age). The ex gave him what he wanted and he misses those experiences. I asked if he treated her like me when they first met and he said no, of course not. He was a different man back then, was in love, was affectionate, kind. They slept together after 3 weeks and started the committed relationship. He dated her the proper way.

He said it is too complicated without explaing more. Tee, he is divorced now, why is it too complicated? I’m only guessing that it’s because he still has feelings for her and is not able to move on. But why complicated?

I’m sorry for being too descriptive but I was trying to show you the whole picture of this situation. I am still trying to figure out and see if I could do or say things differently that day. I was taken by surprise and had no idea what to ask him or how to react. I felt completely lost and overwhelmed to see things clearly.

Tee, what do think about that? And what would you say or do if you were in my place?

Do you think that a woman who is happy to be more sexually open with him can conquer his heart? Or he will always miss his wife?

Is he really devasted so much by his divorce and can’t find a way to deal with that? How can I help him? Is it the right moment to try to be just a friend for him?

I’ve heard so many stories, where women started friendships with recently divorced men (even after refusing sex) and after a while they ended up together happily. It took some time but it was worth it. Could this apply to my situation? What are the good ways to do that without imposing too much?

How long would you wait before trying to get closer to him again? I know that he is not a dangerous person so even going to his place won’t matter anymore. He is not at his best now and not being himself.

My friend told me to tell him that I do not want to loose him completely or let him suffer in silence. She adviced to stay close but only as friend (no kiss, no touch etc.). But she is also not sure how and when to approach him. On the other hand, some online coaches advice to stay romantically involved but no sex.

I have no idea what to do right now. I do not want to loose him completely but at the same time being sexually open without proper romance/feelings doesn’t feel enough.

Tee, you have no idea what being able to talk to you means to me. I can even tell you that you are saving me from some desperate steps. I feel like you really understand me and the pain I have all my life.

I pray for your health to get better 🙏

I’m looking forward to your message!

Please take care of yourself! 🌸

Big hug 🫂

Dafne