Hey Tee,

Yeh I would love that. The thought of one person for the rest of my life honestly scared me a bit at first until I met this girl. I genuinely thought about marriage, kids, moving in etc.

I didn’t feel alone anymore than a normal kid would I think. I just had desires for a partner from an early age, ever since my first crush. Gaming is like my down time and relaxation. It’s also a social thing for me now as I’ve gotten older as most my friends also game. So during the relationship I obviously lost that a bit which I was fine with. But it was almost as if when things got hectic, I just wanted to game. Usually this meant alone.

I have always been a bit pedantic as well as a planner. I think I do relax and enjoy it but I also keep in the back of my mind that there is always more to achieve, however I am easily pleased and satisfied. I would say I think of the next goal but I don’t calculate how to get there straight away. So we we’re definitely different in this sense, she was unorganized and spontaneous where as I was a bit more planned and had my stuff together as well let’s say.

I think it is something I will continue to explore, I have always found it fun and peaceful. Yea she got really into it at night, I think it was mainly because she couldn’t sleep so it kept her busy. I don’t really have a similar activity, not to that extent anyway. The closest thing that I can dive into would be a game I’d say. She actually had somatic therapy once years ago and from what I gathered it was too confronting. I spoke to my psych about recommendations for her treatment. When I spoke to my ex about the options she already knew one of them and told me she went through 3 different people there and could never ‘click’ with any of them. I agree I don’t think any of that actually helps with real healing.

I guess it was I wanted to see her healed, and I knew that change had to happen to start this. I do believe change is inevitable. I got fixated on the idea of a healthy relationship and I thought her changing certain things within her life would make it healthy.
You’re right though she didn’t want to change but to be sheltered from everything and her problems just go away. I heard a quote about buffalo and cows the other day. They both sense a storm but approach it differently, the cows try run from it but get tired and the storm catches them. Buffalo run at the storm ensure it and come out the other side. Maybe this is where we are also different in how we deal with things.

No I told her I am blocking her social media as it was a trigger for me. I said she can message my number in the future but I need to heal.

I haven’t stayed friends with exes but I have stayed in contact with one. However it’s more of a comfort thing after we get out of our current relationship. I also message an ex from high school on rare occasions. The high school one in particular I was madly in love with but it wasn’t true love now I have gotten older and I look back.

She really didn’t understand my side and my feelings. Being told by your partner that you ‘treat them like sh*t’ is heartbreaking. I was almost numb to some of the stuff she said. I remember one time she told me she deserves to be with someone who actually wants her. This was all because I turned a light off before we made out. All these things add up and upsets me how I was mistreated and misunderstood. No matter what I did it was outweighed by the ‘little things’.

I think so much good will come from all this despite how much it has hurt.