Hey Tee,

I’m honestly an open book always have been and I don’t get offended easily. Don’t hesitate to dig 🙂

Yes they were always playful remarks and things we would laugh over usually. I’d say things like ‘I’m an idiot’ and we would giggle and agree for another example. Similar to her comment about trusting directions in a way. Only difference is I wouldn’t take it personally. There was never any resentment or hate coming from my sarcasm.

I have dark humour as well. I learnt to hold this back early on because of her trauma. I do joke about things I probably shouldn’t at times, again similar to my dad. My friends are also the same but I think she felt uncomfortable around them, she never mentioned anything about it.

I think it’s easy to notice when my father is “off with the fairies” at times and I think I am also the same. I think my ex saying ‘I didn’t even give her eye contact’ at times was her noticing I’m daydreaming a bit. Little smiles and hand movements is what I also noticed at times that are similar between me and my dad. I noticed as I got older when I’d say dream I would smirk during it at times and I would see this in him too.

I put too much trust in her. My psych said I should listen to my emotions more and what I am actually feeling. For an example, when I started having thoughts of emotional abuse I didn’t open up to my psych at first because I thought I was over thinking. Where as in reality it was clear emotional abuse so I should trust how I’m feeling rather than see it as I’m overthinking.

She also agreed that I am playful however my ex could’ve brought that side out a bit more. I spoke about that balanced feeling where I am not too excited but not unsatisfied. Like you were saying I may have enjoyed the roller coaster of highs and lows because of this.

I think it is significant in someway, maybe I am drawn to girls who have unresolved issues and feel like I can be a confidante or a savior. I’m not too sure. I only really felt like this with my ex though not my other partners. I need stability though so the reuse I believe I will just be codependent again. I told her about my worries for the next few weeks and months, she said if she reaches out you will have to be firm and break the cycle of abuse. She needs real treatment and help which would take a lot of therapy etc. 18 months she said atleast. But she said don’t think about the future and if she does ever approach you work, therapy are a must and who knows maybe there’s an option to reconnect but to not even think of that possibility. Take it as it comes.

I am an anxious person but I have always dealt with it. I do get a lot of anxiety in relationships I think because of all the egg shells of walked on during them. Partners have definitely made me question my sanity and if it is really me who’s the problem, which has added to my anxiety. On top of that I obviously had a lot of anxiety with my ex about her leaving again however I couldn’t talk about this as I was holding onto the past and not fully trusting her. This was a hurdle for me in my last relationship.