Dear Anita,

Apologies for the delay in response. I have been busy socialising with new housemates (2 new ones have moved in), trying to meditate daily, go to the gym, cook and also do some private care for my friend’s mum who lives down the road. I have also started reading again, and still doing writing as well.

Thank you for the congratulations on the new job. I still haven’t started yet. My induction date is on the 1st and 2nd of November. I also have another job interview tomorrow for assistant manager position at a place that is 20 minutes walk from mine. I will go there and see what vibes I get from the place. Ultimately I will pick the one I think I will be happiest in.

In all honesty, in my mind I just have a view of springfield town from the Simpsons and a view when they go into the woods!! And visualise a forest. You are a person of many mysteries!!

30 is young!! And I’m glad I recognise this. I made a decision recently to go “straight edge” which means no drinking/ drugs etc. Not that I was doing any of that regularly at all but it’s just another way for me to stay focused on trying to achieve my goals.

It’s sad that your mum thought that… I’m guessing she was delusional? I think there was alot of delusion with my parents too, sadly.

I have matured alot, but at the time I started this thread, I didn’t have any spiritual or kind people in my life who I could go to about this. I didn’t feel like I had anyone to reach out to so I wanted to find somewhere where I knew there would be the right people who were kind and accepting who could look at my life objectively and give me a perspective that could help me – which you have done 🙂

“(1) you were never another person in a sea of people, not in my mind. You are more like a beautiful, tree and life-filled island in the sea, full of life!”
This is interesting for me to read, as I presumed that my thread was going to be similar to other people’s on here. Is this how you see all the people that you respond to?

Why did you think that I had lost respect for you? It’s difficult to keep up social communication on a forum. Hm. But maybe they are supposed to be used for chatting and not life advice, I am not sure.

Which youtube video are you talking about? Also, the other day I was going to watch a video about “4:44” and I went down into the kitchen and the oven clock literally said 4.44. Everytime it happens I just smile and see it as the Universe rewarding me for trying to meditate and be more conscious!

Yes. The Ed situation was just, traumatizing if I’m honest. I haven’t seen someone be so…..unaware and broken in a very long time. Cracking can after can and just not able to communicate or self-reflect. It took me a while to get my head around but in all honesty – he isn’t being a good person at the moment. This is something that I remind myself when I feel like it was me who ruined things…. while we were dating he lost his jobs at all 3 bars for stealing, drinking on shift and harassing customers….he was blocked by his ex for being drunk as well etc. His life is a mess and I got swept into it. Also I have to say – since then I saw his brother upload some photo’s to instagram and Ed has put on weight and now looks like Phil Mitchell from Eastenders. Seeing them triggered me, I went and bought a pack of cigarettes, smoked 2 and then threw up. I won’t be looking at those stories again or have any interest in that at all now. At the end of the day, I was treated awfully by someone who refuses to admit that they are not taking responsibility for their actions. I have seen stories and videos and influencers online who are men who were addicts but CHOSE to get sober because they realised they had to get their life together and now they are fit, happy, healthy and devote their social media to sharing recovery stories………Rant over!

Hope you are well!

Cat