Dear Caroline:

(I am adding the boldface feature to the quote): “I have been so caught up in my ‘misery’ I forgot I should be happy…  it’s similar to every change in my life that I go through. Regardless if it’s good or bad I always see it as a dark, lonely place. Maybe it’s because in my childhood no one really was there for me when I changed schools, lost friends etc.”-

– You’ve been indeed caught up in your childhood, a dark and lonely childhood where no one was really there for you. When as a child, you could depend on the familiarity of places, people and routine, it helped somewhat. But when changes happened and you lost the little you could depend on (ex., familiar school, familiar people/peers/friends),  you had nothing and no one to depend on.

“I notice I start obsessing again. It’s always there in those moments. I have this colleague in new team, I really want her to like me…  all I think about it how to make her like me… I really want her to like me“- you are looking for.. someone to depend on.

As a child, you were too lonely for too long, and that’s the dark and lonely place in your mind and heart now. The solution is indeed to find someone you can depend on, and that someone has to be you.

The child within you (for whom there is no past vs present; it’s always present, always Now, no matter your age) needs you to depend on, so that she is no longer alone. There are workbooks that present exercises for the communication between an adult and the adult’s inner child. I don’t think that we discussed the topic of the inner child, have we?

anita