Home→Forums→Tough Times→I changed jobs / feeling sad and scared
- This topic has 37 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 10 months ago by anita.
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November 3, 2023 at 1:09 pm #424768CarolineParticipant
Hi everyone.
Just need to vent and comfort myself.
I changed jobs and it’s been difficult. For what reasons, I not entirely sure. I think it’s the change and being new triggers me.
I know it was a good idea to change job but now, at this moment I do not see any good sides. Maybe I should have stayed at old job.
I work 2pm-10 pm. It was my first day. I am tired. I do not know what to do in the morning.. I kind of.. wait for 2pm so I can start work.. so I waste morning. I miss my old colleagues. Everyone is new here for me and everything is new. I am scared of working late. It tires me. I am scared of the changes. I cried last night and this morning, I don’t know where to find comfort. It’s been really tough.
November 4, 2023 at 4:07 am #424776anitaParticipantDear Caroline:
CoNgRaTuLTiOns for your first day at your new job! I hope that the second day feels better than the first.
“Everyone is new here for me and everything is new“- with some time, everyone and everything will not be new to you anymore, and you will find some comfort in the familiarity and routines of people and things.
“I am scared of working late. It tires me. I am scared of the changes… I don’t know where to find comfort“- when you feel scared like this and you are alone, do what I just did: I hugged myself for a long moment, placed my arms around my shoulders and squeezed, and I said to myself: it’s okay. It will be okay today.
Remind yourself, when you feel scared, that feelings do change, and therefore, you will not always feel scared; that you will be back to the good space in your head that you felt back in Oct 9 when you anticipated this new job: “I am starting next month and I know it will be hard but I am prepared for difficulties and I will take responsibility for my decision. I am sure if it’s too hard I will make it work somehow or change job in two years perhaps. But I am in a good space in my head”.
And please do vent here any time you feel like it. I would like to read from you whenever you post!
anita
November 4, 2023 at 11:13 am #424786CarolineParticipantHI Anita,
Good to see you have replied.
And thank you for congratulating me. I have been so caught up in my “misery” I forgot I should be happy. my anxiety ruins everything, every change in my life. When I got my own place I was crying for days because it felt so gloomy, lonely, dark.. My fear ruins everything for me.
Now it’s similar to every change in my life that I go through. Regardless if it’s good or bad I always see it as a dark, lonely place. Maybe it’s because in my childhood no one really was there for me when I changed schools, lost friends etc.
And so now I am in a dark place too.
I will try hugging myself, thank you.
I will not always feel scared, feelings pass. I know. I know.
I know it’s my anxiety and I notice I start obsessing again. It’s always there in those moments. I have this colleague in new team, I really want her to like me. I think she’s cool but very… she lives her own life in a way, it’s not very outgoing and excited like the rest of the people. I think she would be a good friend for me in this team. Since then all I think about it how to make her like me. But I know I cannot do this, it does not work that way. But I really want her to like me.
I want to stop obsessing over it and stop thinking but it’s difficult. It’s not the first time I fantasize and obsess over someone I don’t even know. I hope this can stop because I have trainings with her and I don’t want to act weird or say something awkward. I want to be normal..November 4, 2023 at 12:15 pm #424787anitaParticipantDear Caroline:
I read a bit of your post and want to read thoroughly and reply when I am back to the computer (on my way out now).
anita
November 5, 2023 at 1:50 am #424796CarolineParticipantOkay, Anita. Thank you.
November 5, 2023 at 4:08 am #424798anitaParticipantDear Caroline:
(I am adding the boldface feature to the quote): “I have been so caught up in my ‘misery’ I forgot I should be happy… it’s similar to every change in my life that I go through. Regardless if it’s good or bad I always see it as a dark, lonely place. Maybe it’s because in my childhood no one really was there for me when I changed schools, lost friends etc.”-
– You’ve been indeed caught up in your childhood, a dark and lonely childhood where no one was really there for you. When as a child, you could depend on the familiarity of places, people and routine, it helped somewhat. But when changes happened and you lost the little you could depend on (ex., familiar school, familiar people/peers/friends), you had nothing and no one to depend on.
“I notice I start obsessing again. It’s always there in those moments. I have this colleague in new team, I really want her to like me… all I think about it how to make her like me… I really want her to like me“- you are looking for.. someone to depend on.
As a child, you were too lonely for too long, and that’s the dark and lonely place in your mind and heart now. The solution is indeed to find someone you can depend on, and that someone has to be you.
The child within you (for whom there is no past vs present; it’s always present, always Now, no matter your age) needs you to depend on, so that she is no longer alone. There are workbooks that present exercises for the communication between an adult and the adult’s inner child. I don’t think that we discussed the topic of the inner child, have we?
anita
November 13, 2023 at 1:28 pm #424987CarolineParticipantHello Anita.
It’s not easy. I think they want to use me, give me much more work than other people. They give me more trainings.
And the late hours are killing me. I don’t like it here.
you are looking for.. someone to depend on.
yes.
As a child, you were too lonely for too long, and that’s the dark and lonely place in your mind and heart now. The solution is indeed to find someone you can depend on, and that someone has to be you.
I understand. But how. I feel like… I am not capable to..save myself. To be my own parent.
I don’t think that we discussed the topic of the inner child, have we?
No, I think we did not.
November 13, 2023 at 3:55 pm #424996anitaParticipantDear Caroline:
I was introduced to the topic of the inner child by John Bradshaw in his book: Homecoming: reclaiming and championing your inner child. Can you download it, or find excerpts from the book and read. Or listen to an audio of the book, and then get back to me and tell me your thoughts about it?
You are not sure that the employers are trying to use you, right? Can there be another explanation as to why you are given more work than other people (other people doing the same type work as you and getting paid the same.. or more)?
I feel sad that you are so unhappy with the late hours and I wonder if you get enough rest and sleep…?
anita
November 16, 2023 at 9:31 am #425080anitaParticipantDear Caroline:
How have you been feeling in the last 3 days since you posted?
Last Monday, you wrote: “I feel like… I am not capable to… save myself. To be my own parent“.
First, it takes getting acquainted with your inner child. Here is from John Bradshaw’s inner child worksheets available online, no cost ( (www. scribd. com/ inner child worksheets):
“Questionnaire for getting Acquainted with our Inner Child- Complete the following with as many answers as come to your mind:
1. As a child, I heard that my most significant faults were…… 2. As a child, I felt guilty for/ when…..
.. 5. Messages I received about money were… 6. I felt rejection when… 7. I felt fear when… 8. I felt anger when…”.
There is much more in the worksheets, in the section I quoted from, and in other sections. If you want, if you can, you are welcome to fill in parts of the worksheets here, on your thread.
anita
November 29, 2023 at 4:37 pm #425704anitaParticipantHow are you Caroline?
anita
December 25, 2023 at 6:56 am #426352anitaParticipantMerry Christmas/ Happy Holidays, Caroline!
anita
January 21, 2024 at 11:40 am #427128CarolineParticipantHi Anita,
Thank you for the wishes. I wish all the best in the New Year!
Homecoming: reclaiming and championing your inner child. Can you download it, or find excerpts from the book and read. Or listen to an audio of the book, and then get back to me and tell me your thoughts about it?
Yes, I can find it and read some of it. Thank you.
It’s been hard, to be honest. I keep thinking the afternoon shift was a mistake. They are saying we could go back to the office. That would be a disaster for me. I am afraid of coming back home at night. My neighborhood is not very safe.
It’s not looking good. I am thinking I should have stayed in the previous department. But that’s with all the decisions I make. I second guess myself. I also posted here about it to make myself feel better about choosing. I think deep down I wanted someone to convince me to take this job. Because I couldn’t decide, I panicked.
And even without going back to the office, working afternoons are very hard for me. I have no time to myself. No time to go shopping, etc.
It’s hard. I talked to my manager about switching shifts but she said only if there’s a vacant position in the morning shift.
I hope I can get my chance soon this year, but I am worried.
January 21, 2024 at 12:12 pm #427130anitaParticipantDear Caroline: I would like to answer you in this thread and in the other later today, or as late as tomorrow morning.
anita
January 21, 2024 at 12:20 pm #427131CarolineParticipantAnita, thank you for this note, it’s okay. take your time.
January 22, 2024 at 12:00 pm #427152anitaParticipantDear Caroline:
I hope that a morning shift position becomes available to you soon!
“with all the decisions I make. I second guess myself“- this is connected to what I posted about today in your other thread. It is possible for you- through Unfreezing, through developing the skills needed, to become more and more confident in your work related and relationship decisions. This is an exciting possibility.. probability, isn’t it?
anita
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